My Life

8

2012-01-29T00:48:00.002+08:00

2004

2012-01-09T04:05:00.004+08:00

just got back from 3 weeks in bangkok.. damn i'm already missing the place. :(

2011-12-17T01:19:00.001+08:00

i was actually scared of her that once cuz she would lash out at me.
i knew the more we talked about it, the more shit she's gonna dig out and i would eventually need to accept it.
i was in denial yet i needed her.
for that once i was scared of her. haha
i usually kinda like it when good girls curse.
but she was furious. rage.
i was afterall in the wrong. and it was finally time for judgement.
everytime i get an sms on the phone i wanted it to be her. yet i was scared that it was her finding out some other shit that i did.
weird that this came up suddenly.

____________
and be born again over and over again
prayer is like a scrubbing towel.
scrub off all your sins
then your skin will become as new as a baby's ass. right?

-sympathy for lady vengeance-
park chan wook films rockssss!

2011-11-16T18:16:00.001+08:00

people want to know who you're fucking, how long have you been fucking each other, when are you gonna stop fucking her and start fucking someone else. that is all they want to know.
everything else does not seem of concern to them.
fuck fuck fuck.
change ur surname to fuck please.
fuck u lah.

2011-11-14T23:41:00.001+08:00

she warned me. she say if u see my email. dont simply add the pretty girls. cuz they're all star and they're so damn fucking pretty and shit like that. i'll kill u, i'll kick u "

puki nenek kau. hey plz lah pukimak. u think i'm the kind of person who do shit like that ka? u even got fucking brains? am i even loggin in to ur cb email?

why is it so fucking hard to break up?
move on to diagram 3 - sleep with her best friend

like fucking flu keep coming back over n over n over again.
so sick of this shit.
fucked up lah

2011-11-12T12:27:00.001+08:00

play the music and start reading or whatever turns you on.
lol

--

it's been quite some time since i've been based in an office. i sometimes wonder how our parents can do it every single day for years and years doing the same routine over and over again.

anyways.

are you already over there..?
i heard you were going.
hai.
something seems missing from my life here.
everything seems to be going fine but yet there is something missing.
what is it. what is it.
i can't figure it out. years fly by in a snap yet everything remains the same.
dont feel like growing up. dont feel like bearing the responsibilities.
being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up..

at times i think its stupid to be writing thoughts down on blogs. like; wahhh sudah berapa tahun main blog lagi.
facebook - people use facebook just to show off to each other that they've got a better life. or atleast they want people to think they're cooler than the others.
its sad.
yet here i am sitting on a rainy day typing away.
i feel its the perfect metaphor for a sad day. rain drops falling to the ground reminds me of tears flowing down the cheeks onto the ground.
have i not paid my dues yet?:
is there more to feel, more pain to experience?
and suddenly i feel like some shit is gonna hit the ground too. brb

feel out of place.
something is not right.
i got my dreams back.. but none of them have been positive.or atleast that too depends on how you interpret it.

fucking emo early in the day.
time to sit back , light up and chill out.
:)

ps. i know ur watching . and i wish everything could be the same as it was. yet that time has passed and all that's left now is just a sigh..

2011-09-12T22:06:00.002+08:00

it suddenly just hit my mind.

after all these while i couldnt even remember that single incident but here it is now. presenting itself unsuspectingly.

it was at the park. now i remember. we were riding together in the park. .
it was outside your house..
now i remember.
it is also one of the happiest day.. so happy..

voyeur

2011-09-10T18:55:00.000+08:00

isnt it all too late now..

time passes so damn fast. in a blink of an eye. its coming towards the end of the year

i am attached now to another production house.

and i guess they found the right person to do this job.

cuz i have plenty of experience in the paranormal.

too bad my experience doesnt count for anything cuz it needs to be someone elses.

i'm looking for malaysian ghost stories.

seems that most of the ghost stories people tell do not belong to them.

they must have heard it from a third connection.

somebody's friend. somebody's grandmother.. hence the term grandmother story.

digging in deeper i found out that most of the stories seem similar to the ones widely available on the net.

i always wonder who's left to tell the ghost story if the sources are almost always not available.

yet these story somehow surfaced without any credible first-hand account.

now how the hell am i gonna complete my work.

voyeur

2011-08-16T12:43:00.002+08:00

semakin hari aku rasalah kita macam makin serasi
kau rasa tak???

semakin hari semakin serasi
bagai pagi dengan sinar matahari
bagai malam dengan kerdipan bintang yang berseri

2011-08-15T02:32:00.000+08:00

i was a dumbass 7 years ago.
and i've just grown to notice it.
what?
this rain is making things confusing!

2011-06-25T03:57:00.000+08:00

are you reading?

lets gila ler..

2011-06-21T16:12:00.002+08:00

people die,
they leave and go away.
but they are not supposed to come back..

2011-06-18T03:56:00.000+08:00

do you like watching?

2011-06-17T05:41:00.001+08:00

Don't they know it's the end of the world.
It ended when you said goodbye....

2011-06-14T19:15:00.002+08:00

here is today's conspiracy theory /

http://malaysia-today.net/component/content/article/58-video/41126-operation-malaysia--hacker-group-to-attack-msian-govt-portal

these people call themselves anonymous and announce publicly that they will hack some government servers.

a rather easy way to erase data/records. ?
also works if you want to start charging people for the crime of 'hacking'

my take is that this is planted by themselves.
planted by the people in power.

a sad sad day for my mind indeed..

now.. lets wonder what information are to be stolen.. something that affects none of u?

2011-06-10T20:11:00.001+08:00

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?

2011-06-01T00:54:00.001+08:00

damn cool!

2011-05-27T04:17:00.002+08:00

so let me come to you, close as i wanna be , close enough for me to feel your heart beating fast..
and stay there as i whisper
how i loved your peaceful eyes on me.
did u ever know?
that i had mine on you

2011-05-25T04:39:00.003+08:00

apalah hari hari emo..

2011-05-24T01:52:00.002+08:00

when i need you
i just close my eyes and i'm with you..

2011-05-18T04:46:00.003+08:00

that night. as i sat at the bar and watch her as she dances with someone else..
i was staring at her..she saw me looking her way and smiled.. at one point she even waved, and i suppose its intended to telling me to join her..what the hell. i came with her. yet she's with someone else .

everything was tunnel vision then, everything was narrow. and as my anger took control of the situation.
i stormed to the dance floor and asked her, 'what time are we leaving? how much more longer should i sit there and watch you spend time with someone else?'

she looked at me for a moment with those puppy eyes. and then she said - 'lets go.'

i told her. all i wanted to know was when we are leaving. she said 'now'.

as the two of us sat in the car. i told her. good job on painting the image that i'm some jealous asshole... all i wanted to know was when we were leaving.
yet it seemed like i walked over to her to tell her that the party was over and we're leaving.

she said 'sorry, is there anything u want me to do?'
- 'no' and i kept quiet.
i was pissed...
i asked her. - 'are u going home tonight?'
she said 'no'
i kept quiet and continued driving home,

before going to bed she asked again - 'do u want me to do anything for u?;
i said no.
and went to sleep.

-----------------

as i opened my eyes and all i could see was the darkness.. the echo of her repeating 'do u want me to do anything for u' fades slowly..
i turned around .. nobody was there..
these scenes haunt my every dreams.

gonna be a long night i guess..

2011-05-17T01:17:00.004+08:00

this pic was posted minutes ago on the UFUN facebook page.
it turned out into a racial issue! ahahahha
so damn funny right?
well the thing is a couple malay dudes didnt understand the picture and told not to make fun of muslim people.
even to the point of threatening with her 'uniform' . hahaha. lol. i hope she's into cosplay.
anyways. the admin deleted soon after before i managed to grab screencaps of the comments. DAMN..

2011-05-13T02:05:00.000+08:00

when it finally rained today, as a gush of wind blows thru the window, lifting the curtains.. i lie staring into that space in between the metal brackets.. all i could see was darkness.

that blank moment continued with what happened years years back.
that moment when i was sitting on the floor of her room telling her how sorry i was and how much i needed her.
she was adamant. but finally the words got thru her.
i begged her i just wanted one last night with her.
and that night i kept my eyes open. i hugged her the whole night. and all i wanted was to remember that last moment with her. the smell of her hair. the smell of her body. . how did i so miss that scent..
i wonder what she was thinking that night.
how could she have let those tainted hands on her.
yet she did. right to the last day. she did what i wanted. yet again.

it all sounds stupid when its all out in words.
and then i lie down there looking out at that space. .
why does this not end?
how much longer should this pain last?
imprinted.
..

2011-05-12T15:50:00.000+08:00

everyday is raining when you're in pain.

2011-04-14T15:36:00.004+08:00

RPK agrees to an interview by the mainstream media. and then he gets bashed by all of his readers for his actions.

it really seems that they do not understand the consequences of his actions.

you see.

first they call him a liar .
and now they put him up on exclusive saying that the top 2 is not involved. (although that is not what RPK said!. RPk was infact explaining that he was told by his source so they should investigate the source, not him"
and all the mainstream newspapers quoted otherwise.
The Star:

RPK: I don't believe Najib, Rosmah involved in Altantuya murder

do u get it?

dont you get it?

and if this time they regard his words to be 'credible'
people will think twice about all the other articles he has published..

ku li and anwar was mentioned in the interview..both of them verified the reliability of the officer. and both of them also knew about this report.

tv3 thinks that they can spin this out in their favor.
but they do not understand how many steps ahead RPK is thinking of..

whoever is spearheading the ruling coalitions' propoganda campaign needs to think ahead. many many more steps ahead.
times are changing. this is war in the new media. in the long run the truth will prevail.

this is not all about anwar and opposition. what we're fighting for is for a free, fair and a better future.

aiya u all ah.. EVEN IF. EVEN IF rpk decided to do this without thinking otherwise. then so what lah. he's the one going into jail, he's the one running around, then up to him lah to do whatever he wants with life. condemn people for what? he's not a politician or anything. he's a free man doing what he wants and what he thinks is right.

tak faham betul why people so like to jaga tepi kain orang lain.

2011-04-11T13:15:00.004+08:00

we could have been great together.
atleast tht was wat I thought.
but maybe i have read it all wrong. yet she seemed the perfect one.

it was all about the small little things she did.
how she came and sat beside me when i was talking to my parents.
how she told me to stay and talk to her while she was in the toilet.
how she mentioned that she rather sleep in my room that night..
and in the morning she would take a nice picture of herself and then she'd sit right there on the bed whilst waiting for me to get ready.

those are the things that made her different from all the others.
something happened.
i dont remember what happened
i really do not have a recollection of anything after that.

somehow we just went our separate ways.
what would it have been like if we were together.
i used to be going crazy over her.
i would look at our picture together and thought how good we looked together.
how did we grow further from each other>?

damn those were the days.
how i used to go to 7eleven just to buy a bar of chocolate for her..
the sight of her drives me crazy.

we seem like strangers now.
how did it all happen:?
perhaps it is better off if i dont remember at all.

the more we remember.. the more burden we carry.
atleast to me it does..

2011-03-16T15:36:00.003+08:00

so some big ass magnitude earthquake smashed up the eastern coast of japan. well actually it was the tsunami which did more damage than the earthquake itself. but. nevertheless. shit after shit happens and yeah. now the nuclear reactors are in the verge of a meltdown.

in malaysia, most of the drones are posting meaningless messages such as get well japan we pray for you we love you. we gona join the click to love japan campaign which i find quite amusing. hey. guys. for starters. why dont u guys stop talking and go donate some money or something. talking gets us nowhere. praying for god to bless japan is not gonna work. because this is the only time u ever think of god. in times of need..
its not even actual praying. these guys just post on the fucking wall to be part of it.
tell u guys what. stop talking. go donate money. if not just shut up and go on with life.

and then there's the dumbass berita harian newspaper. who decides to post a picture of an ultraman running away from tsunami. how freaking insensitive can they be?

well. those idiots apologized soon after.

then there is our 'first lady' yeah. she says she is just the wife of our prime minister but. well here is what she said.

.. she doesnt know what natural disaster is. and yeah. atleast she mentioned it was her personal opinion. oh did she forget her husband's party is going for a nuclear plant to be built here in malaysia too. zzz.. they cant even fix potholes and they wanna maintain nuclear plants. this is dangerous.

another thing that happenned .. two days back . sms-es were going around telling people on how radioactive wind/rain is blowing towards

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_645335.html

there's the link. and yeah. dumbass idiots were forwarding sms-es . status updates. whatever u name it. without even checking the authenticity of the message.
atleast use your damn brain before spreading and causing panic.

and then the malaysian government is scanning canned foods, even fish, tuna's and imports from japan for any radioactivity. and please. if you ever live in malaysia you should know how often do people ever buy japanese products. its just expensive. nobody bothers for them. well unless some tripping to be japs.

nevertheless.. better safe than to be sorry. yet. there is a certain point of panic or caution level that we need to adhere to. whatever that is happening is just so typical malaysian. and i'm quite ashamed about it.

what impact did this earthquake/tsunami have on you?
for me. none. just that i coudlnt watch my animes and i sure hope my favourite pornstars are still alive.

stop spreading fear. panic. kecoh.. just want to be part of it attitude.
like the singaporean auntie in the article mentioned. if u guys so wanna help. go down to japan to aid them. break the piggy bank to fly there and just help out whatever u can financially or physically.

peace peace - oh yeah i donated to the red crescent.. even though i didnt want to. but i did anyways. so fuck you guys who talk about how sorry u guys are for japan. talk is cheap. talk is really fucking cheap. do something.

2011-03-04T20:14:00.003+08:00

recently sum shit happened.
she did sumthing wrong to me. and i wont forgive her no matter wat she does.
she realises the matter. and that is what bothers me.
regret and guilt is what probably she's going thru ..
yet i decided to pick her back up and made her hate me.
i want her to hate me..
its better than her feeling the pain of guilt.
i've been thru that..
took me 2 damn fucking years to get thru that.yet now i'm stil feeling it,
why do i do this to myself.
i did nothing wrong .. yet why do i choose to let myself suffer in the end while she's happily there..

can develop this into a plot heh.. mmm..

2011-02-28T14:54:00.003+08:00

She was forever saying "I'm Sorry" .
She never once talked back to me.
But that day, when i caught her cheating,
she wouldnt apologize to me.
That time, she wouldnt apologize.
Why couldn't she apologize to me when it mattered?

2011-01-14T10:21:00.003+08:00

on wednesday i got my unifi fixed at home. it was supposed to be a 5 hour installation for the fibre and all that kind of shit.

what i want to talk about was the typical jaga tepi kain orang lain people. If dun understand. its something like a busybody .\

so what happened was that he just came in like normal. ok . inspect this shit inspect that shit. and ended up sitting in my room doing the drilling and all that stuff. at around the same time my friend from thai was down too. she was kinda tanned so the moment she came out of the room, the technician saw her. and asked me immediately - "eh u sudah kahwin ?""

the moment he asked me am i married, i knew that he thought the girl was malay.

and then i just told him no. and i'm still working.
what happened again was. he went downstairs to get some wire and cables. and he spoke to her. he asked her something . i supposed in malay . and she didnt understand it . but told me later.

then he came up to me. and he asked me if she was an indonesian maid or thai.
and i mentioned thai.

do u get it?
this is the typical . cannot mind your own business asshole that likes to fucking use their religion and question another person's actions. so what if she was muslim. so what if we were in the same house together? what is your fucking concern? are u such a devout muslim? ur just a fucking technician to fix my blardy line.

and do u know what he mentioned to me about? oh this guy goes around fking around those 'ayam' in the borders of thailand near his hometown.

i mean wtf man.

are u jealous or anything?
do u go to someone's house and talk to everyone u see and ask them personal questions?

i know i'm just assuming all this. but fuck. this is the typical defenders of the nation attitude.
why dont u just mind your own fucking business??

2010-12-27T11:18:00.002+08:00

unless i'm missing some key information about something, why is everyone ignoring this fact?
go over to 4:05 of the above match highlight and look at how laser pointers were aimed at our national goalkeeper.
and now the indonesians are complaining about it without realising what they've done?
an eye for an eye.
plus firecrackers and flares-

come on fucking malaysians - SHOW SOME NATIOnAL PRIDE LAH> MALAysIA BOLEH! stop condemning malaysia man. we did good. none of the goals had anything to do with the laser incident. we all know damn well those were quality balls delivered and finished by the strikers.

indonesians, stop being crybabies.what goes around comes around.
lets just hope in the return leg all of the fans get searched first!

2010-12-11T03:07:00.003+08:00

i do not understand myself or no one else understands me?

everyone seems to be like a population of harvested zombies. bunch of harvested zombie drones, it's memory filled with everything except for logic.

or like i said earlier. am i the only one who feels differently about everything that's happening around us?

today or yesterday or one day there was this dude who commited suicide bcuz of his gf and shit like that. the thing is he posted a bunch of shit on his fb before doing that bla bla blaaaaaa bla bla blaaaaaaaaaaaaa. ok
here's the thing. give him credit yo. do u know how much guts it takes to commit suicide. give him credit only for his bravery. perhaps people who have not gone thru that phase don't understand it. but anyways.
he's a dumbass lah for doing what he did. ahaha so. end of story -
i just feel like since that guy is dead people on fb shouldnt be hitting out at him for what he did. give some credit to the dead dude man. he walked the talk. what have you ever done?

and just yesterday i was watchin Takashi Miike's Ichi . the scene of tadanobu asano poking the needles into his ears and jumping off the building was cool. but. shit like this happens all the time.

at least they happen to me.

things like when you're thinking about a particular someone . and a song just starts playing on the radio reminding u of her.
or when you're heading back to your hometown. and as you're leaving your house u see a motorcyclist passed by u wearing the state shirt of wherever you're going.
there are too many coincidences that actually happen in this world.
clues are everywhere around us. sometimes we just need to be a lil bit more attentive to our surroundings.
try to concentrate on listening at night. you'll hear alot more crazy shit happening around you.

:)

2010-12-04T13:13:00.003+08:00

as i have said many people were questioning 1Malaysia in response to the namewee video clip.
what they don't understand is the concept of 1Malaysia itself.
no problem at all if u dun support it. but once u start speaking about 1malaysia and condemning how stupid it is, there's the problem.
think realistically, its not just all about government and the policies, even if everything were to be implemented, then we have to do our part as malaysians too. do something, instead of just being a voice in the group. oh fuck this fuck that.
well atleast i know i did something,

1malaysia can be realized if all of us, people of malaysia get together as one big group, one big country. and actually start loving the country as its your place of birth regardless of our native race.
this means no fucking with our bro's and sis's of all races - and please . lets not even bring up religion in any arguments. god does not stand on ur side just because u mentioned his name.
that is, if we support that ideology.
if not then fuck off do ur own things and don't bother complaining.
get out of the country. nobody is stopping u guys

pariah,
sometimes use ur brain to think things thru thoroughly first before complaining la.

2010-12-02T13:58:00.002+08:00

have any of u guys seen the namewee video:?

u know why the ministry wouldnt approve ur damn script.
cuz ur not doing it in the spirit of 1malaysia.
as much as it is just a rhetoric, we are living in the country of malaysia and yes we do push for the 1malaysia concept to be fully implemented.
i have been thinking hard, about one thing in malaysia that ties us all together. what single thing represents malaysia. perhaps i didnt use the right word to describe it but i mean things like batik, wayang kulit. and stuffs like that. (oh proton is an embarassment, don't mention)

wayang kulit originated from indo. batik not malaysian too.
i got tired of thinking. so i thought. emm. bahasa malaysia man.
atleast it made it into our national language and that everyone is supposed to be able to speak bahasa malaysia to one another.

so if u want to get a grant from finas. obviously u have to adhere to the 60% BM rule. why not?> mandarin and cantonese is from china. way long before we started off. tamil. india. and bahasa malaysia although borrrowed words from here and there. nonetheless, we still adopted it into all of us. our education system and all that kind of shit so we can understand each other IN malaysia.

right now i'm speaking of the country malaysia for malaysia.
if i wanted to make a feature or a short film without using another language, obviously i wouldnt turn to the MALAYSIAN government for funding. why would they want to invest in something not malaysian>? a chinese speaking short film that 60 to 70% of the country wouldnt understand it. this only caters to the small selected bunch of paria fans this guy has. its such a shame (even if we put it at 50%. . do 50% of our country understand mandarin? or have to read subtitles to understand 1malaysia?)

language can change the whole feel of a film= another long explanation to this. so if u really think ur script is good. then go ahead and look for own fundings man. why bother to make a video condemning our film board? they are fucked up. but atleast they stick to their principles.

remember when u started out 'rappping' and dishing out at motherfuckers? i thought u always wanted to be a rapper yo. make ur own music yo. have a recording contract in taiwan or sumthing yo. why now suddenly u said ur dream was to be a filmmaker - ? got no principles ? well. perhaps u did mention . but nah. i'm not bothered to watch rubbish anyways. just a lil bit. nt all of it.

such a publicity stunt.
and yes. this is kinda skewing the minds of the niche that's into him.
however small(i hope) the number is, this is sedition right?
shouldnt we like throw this guy into the ISA?
atleast for 60 days, so i can go in and brainwash the shit out of him.

2010-11-30T15:29:00.002+08:00

and the run is still on - been months but everything is goooood yo
its scary how one person can shape the public opinion on malaysian politics.
and yes that is one scary blogger that we need to throw into solitary confinement.
carefully track all of his articles. i think he's talking bout something else now.
sad but its true
everything seems hopeless.
time to leave the country?
i have nowhere else to go. -

2010-11-21T23:57:00.001+08:00

damn time flies - i just remembered last year i was freelancing at mugshots - and i downloaded these bunch of christmas songs. blink of an eye - december is coming. christmas is coming. another new year is coming. man.. slow down yo

2010-11-06T19:57:00.001+08:00

malacca is such a small place, you can see all of your ex-girlfriends in the same photo in facebook. is it that or i'm just dating around that circle?

Hmm

2010-11-04T17:52:00.002+08:00

on the way home. she said; "i don't wanna go home tonight" . . .
yeah yeah NHE!!

i remember she said the exact same thing to me last time that night. i still remember where i was driving pass that night as she said it to me.

and today i was watching In The Mood For Love and there was an exact scene lol. coincidence or someone copying someone. ahhaa..

anyways. rindu doh.
rindu rindu rinduuuuuuuuu

2010-10-12T16:09:00.002+08:00

http://www.loyarburok.com/the-system/bolehland/video-police-intimidation-caught-on-video/

check this first link up. for the video.
and.

http://www.loyarburok.com/the-system/bolehland/police-intimidation-video-what-happened-before/

and the link after that is her trying to justify her act.

this is the kind of stupid people we have in the country trying to be an overnite sensation. shame on you pamela. you;re just an arrogant bitch -

no 1 - u need to read more. or atleast use ur logic/common sense abit more.
handsfree means HANDSFREE. u were holding ur damn phone u idiot. thus u were flagged and stopped.

no 2 - u were suspicious that they were not real cops cuz of their uniform and their bikes. i suggest u go out more and look around because i've seen loads of police officers wearing those uniforms and the bikes.

no 3 - since u so damn fucking smartass bitch saying that if u're wrong give u saman. then when people give u saman. u should fucking just sign it and drive away. why u need to be a smartass and scribble on government property ?

no 4 - who was the one trying to intimidate u? it seems more like u were intimidating the police officer. and please. leave ur sarcasm to whatever sad dude ur banging and not the police. emotional blackmail does not work on strangers - especially law enforcement officers.

no 5 - this is not a race issue. do NOT RAISE SENSITIVE ISSUES u idiot

no 6 - they didnt give u back ur license and ic because u were such a bitch that u messed up the summon book. i mean. imagine how the fuck i wanna explain to my superior about that stupid scribble some random bitch put there?

no 7 - u're glad they didnt drag u to the police station - or should i say lucky they didnt blow u up into a million pieces - hey did u see rpk's latest post about the police assasination squad? scary revelations there.

why am i so pissed about her?
cuz she reminds me of all the bitches that i've dated.
ahahaha
no it was a joke.
why i'm actualy pissed is that it's people like this that give us leftist a bad name.
yes i despise the police force but this is a non-issue.
u say u put this up to educate other woman?
sorry. u need to be alot more qualified to educate other people on rights.
the police officer got no rights?
i can just fucking whip out a camera and record them?
are u a feminist?
can i take out a camera and just record ur actions?
pamela.
go get a life.
or a dog or two. .

2010-10-12T13:02:00.001+08:00

super best blow ever!

2010-10-04T10:24:00.002+08:00

in a blink of an eye, a year has passed.
depending on which point of time,
5 years has passed since the day i met her.
one year ago. i was with her and my other friends celebrating my birthday up at ampang.
it has only been one year
but we're complete strangers now.
countless things happened in that one or two months
so..

alot has happened in 1 year too.
everythings cool in my career.
who would've thought one simple wish would have come true so easily.
man i should have stated specifically what i wanted.
ahaha
but this is good enough for me.

another night another dream but always you.

lets mark this point of time and see where i am in another year :)

2010-09-21T18:27:00.002+08:00

it's been long since i've updated . but here goes.

i've got my mbp that i've been so waiting forr...
everythings cool in the office.
iphone 4 has been announced here in Malaysia
price not bad too.
hahah.

so many people talk about how bad drugs are .
alot people talk about how bad smoking is.
and they condemn smokers they say we are selfish and we do not give a damn about the people around us who don't smoke.
i've got one message for u fuckers.

your personality - worse.
people preach about how to live a healthy life
how sex, abortion and drugs are the evils of life.
i've been stoned for what. 4 to 5 months now?
and i'm telling u .i'm trying my best to be a good human being.
nothing is more important than being kind to others.
next time
before u wanna think about condemning people.
think about urself.
did u say thank you to the lady who's cleaning ur office toilet ?
do u wave and smile at the security people who take care of ur neighbourhood.
have u ever bought food for a stray dog or even a beggar?
heck,
most of the time u'd just give them one fucked up look and bitch about them after the beggar has walked pass u.
and u dun smoke, u dun take drugs, u dun fuck around.?
and tht's so noble of u huh?

perhaps i've got some of the words wrong
but u should get my point.
nothing is more important than being good to others.
u can fuck all u want.
u can take all the drugs u want.
u can smoke all u want
just don't come out with a stupid statement like i hate smokers
and end up being an asshole and treat ur family and friends like shit.

-

2010-09-03T10:40:00.002+08:00

god i've been missing for ages.

Anyways. the run is still on, its my third month now i guess. or is it the fourth>?? i'm living on.
so lets see what have we been missing.

Oh IGP finaly gona be replaced, yet i dun think there would be any changes in the system. most probably just step up the first one and two years by having loads of fucked up roadblocks and raids. man..
i rather have someone who've been there longer just stay all the way.
its not gonna make any difference anywayss.
but.
do not speak too soon.
cuz i always end up shooting my feet.

next

Namewee in the headlines again, yes he made a rap video fucking siti aishah up with words. great melody great lyrics 0 class.
did any of u see namewee's video at the police station? now he claims himself a film-maker first and then singer watevver last.
so proud huh.
well. this guy needs to be on the right path. no i mean we're all on the left path. but i mean. right as in correct!
but
again, none of my business.
just typing whatever comes into my mind.

next up - the biggest funniest shit ever.
the teoh beng hock inquest video.
holy shit man. how in the world did MACC decide to have that guy as a lawyer.
he cant even say x-ray and keep saying it as ASHTRAY. - stresss ye bang? tak faham apa doctor thai cakap.
people ask u to show how you strangle urself. u really show meh?
oh comeon, who's this clown.
how does the bar council regulate all these people lah . how they even become a lawyer.
man.
classic epic super funny video. please go watch it.

oh. last bt nt least.
she went back..
i kinda miss her.
no, i do miss her. but i hate her at the same time.
lying down on the bed that night.
reminded me of how it was like with her.
the same feeling
the same words.
how she said. oh my god.
and i can really feel how hurt she was deep inside.
i feel it too.
lying down beside her.

my guilty conscience is devouring me.
it hurts man...

2010-08-17T17:13:00.001+08:00

burnout man. this is burnouttttt
ahhhhhhh
whats happening to me
it has been almost 2 months man mmmmmmmm
ohhhh man

2010-08-02T09:58:00.002+08:00

hey guess who's facebook profile i decided to view this morning.
ah man. what a god damn fucking mistake.
so. she's attached now.
to some god damn old looking young looking dude.
yeah. get it. he looks old but he has the young looking look. but stil old.
and according to her, she has evertyhing she needs now. or rather the word perfect.
oh god.
how am i still not over this chick yet.?
is it cuz i cant forget how she fuckssssssssssssssssss?
oh come on
how long is this gonna go on yo.

it was the time of break ups . and . quite some new couple that i've seen too .
er
this was the first heartbreaking one.
early on a monday morning -
ah.. nothing just seems to go well on a monday morning man. -
zzzzz-
miss kao u

2010-07-26T15:31:00.002+08:00

yeahh its monday. had a very very dreamy weekened. oh rather i was just high throughout the weekend.

its monday. so back to sober mode for work hours.
i decided to type in her name to the facebook search bar
and yeah. take a look at how she looks now.
god she's gorgeous.
anyways.
she's got tht look about her tht all other girls hate cuz she's a wrecker.
well. or so they say she looks like a wrecker. ahaha
anyways. i thought about her this morning while i was in the shower.
no . no dirty thoughts at all.
only one puzzle that she created at the end of it.
tht's suicidal.
but look at it this side. she really wanted to fix things for me?
i dont know man.
tht was one fucked up moment.
ahaha . anyways. im luving her long hair now.
her boobs seem abit bigger than i last remember. but oh well i guess its the pads. ahahaa.

oh how i miss u how i miss u
i wish we could've just been togetherrrrr all these while.

i remember the day. we were making out at the living room. and talking about fantasies.
god that got me horny.
then we went out for breakfast. and u decided to go home with me.
and fuck u had to sleep naked..
on my small little single bed together with me.
and u said no sex!
and yes. it was hell to endure .
but it was all worth it in the morning eh?
god i miss u .

ahahaha. 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 ``~

2010-07-21T11:39:00.001+08:00

Put on ur earphones.
play the song.
close your eyes
and smile
:)

2010-07-19T17:43:00.002+08:00

after writing the previous post, i thought about the ending of the film again..
at the end of the film, the totem she left him didnt stop spinning alhtough it looked and sounded as if it was gonna drop
but nolan decided to cut before anything happens.
fuck
u seriously fucking with out heads are u.
and so.
what is the meaning?
is he still dreaming?
or its reality?

here's my take -
the inception he performed on his wife . just happened to be real.
the idea was that. the lines can be blurred and everything in reality is a dream . and once you wake up, it woud've still been a dream.
oh man how do i explain this
well
i thought the wife got it right
reality is the dream and the dream is reality.
and in the end where good things happen. in which leo gets his dream. its actually still a dream cuz the totem didnt stop spinning.

problem was. the totem wasnt even his.
he said nobody else should touch it.
oh well.
he did alot of things he told the girl not to do as well.

another great answer from one was that. nolan actualy performed inception on us.
the whole film was inception.
of just putting a simple idea into our heads and how it will lead on to fuck our brains up until we got obsessed.

and then there's the other one where they say he wasnt wearing a wedding ring in reality . and he does during dreams..

its quite an open ending
however u perceive it.
i just need to watch it again
carefully
ahaha

definately worth to get a dvd.

2010-07-19T16:46:00.002+08:00

film critics are alwiz a pain in the ass, cuz nothing ever seems to be good enough for them.
oh. what did i expect anyways. critics. those are critics. ok.

i saw 'Inception' recently and thought tht i has been long since i saw something awesome.
Ppl talk about how avatar created a whole different universe, tht seems better than where we're living in. but blue creatures?
excuse me. but i've never seen avatar and i do not want to despite everyone else telling me to catch it.
Inception on the other hand is a whole universe of possiblity . and things that actually make sense to us.

everything was well thought of.
critics complained that in order for it to be good. showing is always better than telling.
true. true enough.
in inception, the dialogues would have confused most of the more simple minded folks that we are.
that being said, imagine if the explanations were to be visually presented.
fuck .. i bet none of those idiots would understand the film.
there's already enough things 'visually' speaking that confuses us. and yet u want the people to explain visually too?
fuck man.

we have to put into consideration tht not all minds would be able to comprehend what is going to be shown on screen.
i thought the visual effects were cool.
i thought that everything was tied / linked together nicely with cleverly thought logic.
things that we can all relate to.
such as the kick. the sensation of falling and then we wake up.
or how peeing and raining is associated.

but the most important and one that i like is on how the brain works faster and time would go slower.
i actually did thought of that once when i was stoned.
cuz everything seemed so slow
but i felt my heartbeat faster and i was reacting to everything quicker.
can we perhaps make time go slower?
if we could make our body and mind move faster. atleast double the speed.
then do we have double the time?
is this even possible?
or our blood vessels would've just burst and we'd die.
regardless of anything
this is still a good starting point to something big.

great lineup of casts.
oscar winning ones.
no one ever seemed to like leo but i thought he did great
of portraying that smart dude who's troubled mentally.
been long since i saw gordon lewitt on screen.
great too.

the idea of having a dream inside a dream inside of a dream is just awesome
there's just so many things that a person can relate to.
but depending on the person lah.

this is just one not for everyone to watch
if ur simple minded. or ur just a dumbass
and cant even understand how the toaster works.
don't ever watch this show.
and complain tht its not good cuz its confusing or watever.

inception - planting an idea in someone's mind.
great . great. very do-able.
not as dramatic as leo does. but. stil it is..
one of the best i've seen so far this year :)

2010-07-14T18:38:00.004+08:00

i like it when u sit so close next to me as i came into the house and sat at the sofa next to my dad.
it was as if u were mine .
ready to take any questions from my dad.
and yes. i like girls like u.
i like girls like u very very much

i like it when u wish my parents good morning
and how you jump out of the connecting bathroom to my room and shouted good morning armed with a camera in hand.

i like it when i'm at my desktop and how you would just come over to my room and just sit on the bed behind me as if to spend time together.

i miss our afternoon naps.
although it was just one afternoon.

i like it when u told me to stay in my room while u showered because u didnt want to be alone..
and then u would open the door and check whether i was still there or not.

i like it when u told me at night that u wanted to sleep in the same room that night because u didnt wanna be alone too.
and i'm sorry if i snored super loud cuz i wass damn tired.

i wanted to tell u how much i've changed from not being the same guy that hurt my ex-gf so much.
but u were too busy crying over your ex-bf.

i wish u knew
i wish u knew that i did everything just so that you would have a great time down here.
i'm sorry if it wasnt good enough for u

when u told me that u would never date younger guys . it broke my heart.
i remember we were at the traffic light and i was totally shattered.

it's been long since i felt this way.
but it hurts because i would need to see u everyday.
yet knowing that you're out of my reach.

if only u knew.
if only u knew that u deserve better
i would've gave u everything
and more
ahahhaa

but i do not have the guts to tell u
because i would not want to screw things up
i guess u made it quite clear.
although u werent referring to me.
but still. it hurts.

havent u notice that we're two of a kind
like seriously
don't u think we look good together?
we have so many things in common.
why let a one year age gap ruin everything.
u've been with one dude ur whole life man
i've been dating more times than the admirers u have.
surely i would've known better that age isnt a barrier.

knowing all that but these are just words deep in me.
having to go to lunch everyday with u is a pain for me.
damn how i miss going shopping wif u
and snapping pics of ur beautiful face .

what has fate got in-store for me.
i hope all my good deeds be translated into something much more than what i'm having.
oh what an ungrateful kid i am..

2010-07-12T12:34:00.004+08:00

the world cup is finally over.
god that took forever.
all of my fav teams went out. and what i was left with was spain and holland.
two teams that i hated throughout the campaign.
watever it is.
spain won. so. .. tht's it. end of story.
no need to shout and be crazy bout it unless u've won tons of money or anything becuz its 9 -5 the next day . and everythings stay the way there were.

its good to know its ended cuz we've got loads of people who does not watch football or has no idea what the fuck football is.and then talk as if all the matches meant so much to themmmm! i could point out a couple of chicks here. but. nvm.
yeah. its over. wohoo!
got these species of people oso who cant stop talking about how matches are rigged. bookies this bookies that. its all decided.
for gods sake. if it's seriously rigged, then why the fuck are u sitting here watching?? u sit n watch n then u complain and say u dun watch football anymore cuz its rigged... like.. wtf right?
remember dechamps ? desailly and tht famous bunch ? man u don't even konw who the fuck those people are n u telling me french cant play football.
lapsap betul
watever it was. this world cup sucked. cuz the team i supported lost. lost lost.

boo hooooo .
big deal.
get over it
its monday today.

2010-07-12T01:16:00.003+08:00

ah hah, so this weekend ended so soon. it came faster than i wanted it to be. and it ended not as how i wanted it to be.
erm. . spending time with her is fun. i think we have so many things in common. and we're like the same person. we're the exact opposites. gender wise - . ahaha. but every good news seems to bring about fucked up news too. so. yeah . guess its not gonna work out.. but seems different though. and

someone else there wants to come down here to study. . huhu. she's seriously taking it god damn seriously huh.. purposely come n do this kind of stuff. she's kinda obsessed man i guess. kinda scary at times though. man..

lets see how everything goes yo.

fucked up monday is here.

zzzz.

nite nite

2010-06-23T11:18:00.000+08:00

lying down beside her, trying to fall asleep reminds me so much of 'her'.
especially when she starts singing and suddenly she stops and move closer to hug me.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
whats happening lahhhhhhhhhh!

number 6 her is attached.. seems like i'm a lil bit late
number 3 her is single.. good news at first.
but now number 2 her is attached to me.
er... how ah.. ?

oh and i heard today is world pink day or sumthing like that?
what a coincidence
i'm wearing pink too. ahahaha of all the days i chose to wear this shirt.
:)

2010-06-16T14:45:00.000+08:00

Nazri says ending scholarships may stop brain drain

First, get Nazri to get his kids who's studying overseas to come back.

Then, think again why nobody wants to study at our own universities, cuz the blardy quality is do damn blardy lapsap, and even if we want to go in, also got quota allocation bullshit.

See what kind of lapsap we got in those public universities.

Compare it to the ones who are predominantly of a certain race.

Cannot be compared at all,

don't believe u can go view all those 3gp videos of some mahasiswa or mahasiswi terlampau. fucking in their hostel ,fucking in the library, grab boobs , do this shit do that fuck.

oh come on.

“Sending overseas students causes brain-drain where some of them won’t want to come back after studying there for a few years."

Why the fuck u think the students don't want to come back after studying somewhere else and enjoying what other countries have to offer>? Cuz malaysia is being ruled by u dumbfucks who say stupid things.

“If you keep sending students overseas, when are we going to improve our standards (locally)?” Nazri told The Malaysian Insider earlier this week.

We send them overseas so they can see for themselves, what is democracy what a government is supposed to do, and experience a culture free of racism. So they can actually come back to contribute what they have learnt overseas and educate Malaysians on improving our standards of living, education, etc. bla bla bla

But what u dumbfucks do? U uphold racism and say that its 1Malaysia. What a bunch of bullshit.

Like RPK said, u wanna cheat. u do it under the fucking table. not in plain view of the public to piss everyone off and them ask them SO WHAT?

Running out of ideas? u need to hire some smarter consultants lah.

This is kinda like the same as our football league.

You close it off to foreigners and maintain a 11+0 or whatever u call it thing

how's the standard gonna improve?

stupid playing againts stupid will become betteR>?

bodoh sama bodoh jadi lagi bodoh lah. simple maths.

world cup came . and u've got sohai maxis talking about our legends.

what the fuck u keep talking bout the past for what>? it has ended

no matter how many hundred fucking thousand times u re-live the moment, its gonna be the same

unless a change comes up.

slovenia, fuck. even NORTH KOREA got into the world cup.

and where is Malaysia?

North Korea can fucking get a consolation for a 1-2 defeat to Brazil man.

if malaysia was in? lapsap kena duno how many goals d. odds oso paying 0.5 to brazil.

macaohai

cakap oso stress .

so its the same.

our football league

and also our higher education standards.

u leave it to smartass people making smartass decisions like this.

and u know the outcome.

and then come the contradiction .

once this goes like crazy viral and everyone shouts at nazri.

then we will have the prime minister telling everyone

CHILL CHILL. ITS NOT CONFIRMED, we just considering it only.. let us finish discussing first lah...

hello mr Prime Minister, ur the guy running the country.

tell ur boys to shut up and stop saying things that contradict with what ur saying.

i rather have badawi sleeping and not saying anything than having all these comments around.

or do they have ur balls in their hands, ready to squeeze whenever required?

hai..

gotta leave this fucking country man..

2010-06-12T19:07:00.000+08:00

It's true that no matter what the form of gambling is, its still gambling, why is it that now when the government want to introduce sports betting and then all of a sudden we're in such an uproar. shouting huuuhaaa but its all the same too.

pet, i dun give two fucks if from the start point to the end point they're consistent in their views. The problem is that they just do things for the sake of fucking makan more fucking money. They change views and policies halfway thru and whenever they like. In plain view of everyone, Just like you said. they move goalposts halfway thru. And that is what pisses u off.

You talk about how Malaysia is gonna be bankrupt by i don't know how many years. and then u say u have to take out subsidies. this and that kind of shit. i say. lessen your projects so that we can put that money to better use. A government building cost 800 million? oh come on. the old one is still good. use that money for something else. use it for what u may ask . that i wouldnt know cuz i'm not some smart ass economic graduate but atleast its logical enough to stop wasting money on things we don't need and then not complain about the one bunch of money that is actually helping everyone in this country live. And even at that we're barely surviving with our meager salaries.

10th malaysian plan sounds so crazily figured out. big mama says that it can be achieved. just look at them. they must have made their calculation before they came out with those figures and plans. OH for god's sake. i got a feeling these people are just swallowing as much money as they can before they get booted out in another 2 years time. every year u say things like imrpoving public transport but still the same lah. now gonna start out with mRT huh? billions more of the taxpayers money into ur mouth. .

and they used to say that badawi was king of zzzzz / snorlax/ mat tido and shit like that. but come on man. i rather have someone sleep and not say anything rather than our current master of the universe saying that everything else is undecided yet. boss say something else the worker say something else. this is what happens when everyone else got evidence of u that will bring u down. and so u have to bow to them. .. come on lah master of the universe wei! i'm sure u can get some secret agent gerak khas kind of shit to go and steal those information back. so that they don't have u by the balls anymore and u can do whatever u want! come on have a little pride!

and back to first paragraph, yeah. like i said. its ok if from the start they are opposed to everything. but don't suddenly out of nowhere just introduce something like this . don't shout about your religion and say that its the halal hub of the world and all tht kind of shit. don't ever be proud with the money gained this way. haram / tak halal .. going to hell one confirm . . so. no we're not shouting because its a fad, we have eyes and ears too. and we've been following this for quite some time. its really time for them to get the hell out come the next GE.

2010-06-08T13:17:00.003+08:00

her and her and her and herrrrrrrr and her and her and her . and her. and two more her's at the back :)

had the urge to just type her name into the facebook search box and take a look at her profile.. and yeah..

yesterday, she told me to giv her some time.

which reminds of me of another her.

wah. 3 hers so fast into the story hahaa. yeah and its all linked together!

second 'her' said give her time because she needed time to forget.

i forgot the 'first' her forcibly .. and i think i'm still not there yet. i think i need amnesia to forget her.

the third 'her' told me the same thing, that she needed time to forget too. and it didnt ended so well.

so second 'her' reminded me of the third 'her' and also how i took years and millions of gazilions years to forget the first 'her' which came to no avail.

hey i wonder how first 'her' is doing.

second 'her' is gonna be here soon i guess.

and i sure do miss the third 'her'

oh no.. i almost forgot about the forth 'her' who still reminds me that she's around.

not to forget the fifth 'her' who disappeared and i think i need to get her to my movie screening at the end of the month.

and then there's the sixth 'her' who tells me how much she needs me. but i just can't be bothered with too many 'her's' around.

and heyyy there's at seventh 'her' whom i just met!

i'm pretty sure she's a sure bet but she's one of those hardcore emo chicks who seems troubled all the time. ah..

oh no... i almost forgot the eighth 'her' .. i guess she forgot about me. but. i'll remind her soon.

the ninth 'her' fell way back the 'her' list too . . she's busy with work and all tht kinda shit n i guess she's leaving soon. havent had the time to meet up with her but i guess i better make a phone call soon.

and number ten is.. still waiting for me i guess.

hmm...

oh well. despite all the 'her's' around, i'm still single yo..

its been like the longest time ever.

i need to focus on one.

just one will do.

ah,, but i cant...

hmmmm..

can i.?

hm.

2010-06-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

kill the jews .. fuck the jews . anti yahudi movement..
eh come on lah.
let me ask u. are all israelis jews?
if malaysia attacked some aid shiip. so we should have an anti muslim movement/?
ok fine . majority of them are jews.

come on man. if there's an israeli warship that tells u to move away. and not come any closer. EVeN on international waters close to some conflict bound territory. its rationally logical to just stop and call for back up.
these people have been oppressed for generations . plus they're trigger-happy.
why risk it ?

and then we have the case of he says she says. one is saying this and another saying that.
so fast to jump to conclusions heh?
come on lah..

hai lazy..

2010-06-04T17:08:00.000+08:00

after hearing bout this for some time. i finally had the time to see the video.
idiot A Famosa management clarified that the tiger was just sleepy and tame or sumthing like that.
fuck off lah. just so damn too much
have to close down this stupid a famosa place.

2010-05-25T10:58:00.000+08:00

now finally everything is coming back at me.

man it took so long for me to get it. i thought the wait was over.

but it all just started. oh mannnnnnnnnnnn...

ok. what i'm trying to say is.

its like this.i try to be a better person by not doing something that i don't like people doing.

if i should apply my standards on anyone else. then the same goes to me too.

so whenever i look at someone doing something. i'll be like. shit.. wat the fuck.

and at the same time before i do something too i'll think twice and say. no. i'm not gonna be like them.

that way i don't end up being a hippopotamus. ah.. the irony.

most of the morning when i wake up, i'll be in the shower thinking of random things tht happened.

i just cant control the damn brain that goes wondering every single thing tht has happened and is going to happen

therefore, some mornings i'll be in a happy . and some. just fucked up. because some fucked up memory popped up and lingers there for the rest of the day.

do i need to see a psychiatrist?

my brain is taking control of my life.

moments and things that i did to my ex-gf just ran thru my mind this morning.

i kept telling myself to forget it but i cant seem to forget doing the things that i did to her.

downright embarrassing to reveal. . but deep inside its hurting so bad.

how could i lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i thought i would have been going thru hell for the last 3 years. but..

whats the latest happening that triggered me into writing all these?

urgh. theres this chick last time. when i was so obsessed about her, that it eventually scared her away.

ahhaaahaha.. well i wouldnt use the word obsessed lah. i just liked her so much that i wanted all of her. and none shared by anyone else.

and she was freakout by it. haha. h eventually nothing worked out.

and then- as of recently.

there's this chick who's all over me.

who wants me to have her as my number 1 important priority.

i was FREAked out to my balls lah.

i mean she's hot and all.

but. . not like that lah. just turned off like that ..

hai...

so like i say its all coming back to me now.

i believe that once i've payed all of the 'dues' then everything will be set right and i'll start all over again.

atleast tht's what i believe because nothing seems to be happening yet,

just yet.

oh.. and i'm at work .. but decided not to sit in the god damn boring office.

its so much cooler doing my work down here wif my french toast and bubble tea. . :)

2010-05-21T09:48:00.000+08:00

its funny how one single experience can change the way how u handle things.

today i'm gonnna talk about some of the funny car accidents that i've been in.

the first one was when i just got my license. i was driving niceeeeely when this car just hit the side of my car out of nowhere. like Fuck.. lucky everything was good.

we stopped at the side of the road and came down of the car.

as the driver from the other car came down, the first thing he did was apologise and asked what he can do to make it right. he said you want me to give you money so u can fix it right now. or i'll bring ur car to the workshop and fix it for you..

and right at the moment i was like stunned. shit.. tht was fast.

i ended up caling my dad and settled for like 300 bucks or sumthing.

whats the word to use here? impressed? its just that feeling where you thought. wow.. tht's so cool . and that's the right thing to do. admit ur wrong and fix the situation.

come to the first accident where i actually hit someone.

it was driving with my girl sitting beside me. it was a bumper to bumper crawl. and we were passing by this shopping mall. .. i just had to look at the chicks waiting for taxi outside the mall. and .. yeah i guess i shouldnt have. cuz i crashed the car infront. ahaha.. its like a knock.

great.. i stopped at the side. went down. and i did the same thing. i apologised.. and asked what i can do . ahhaa. i asked her u want money. or u wan me to fix it for you.

instead of saying anything. she went around her car. looking at the knock.. it was just a small dent. hardly noticeable .. she took quite some time walking and thinking. until a crowd gathered . and some people just say faster settle it and give her 50 bucks close story lets fuck off!!

but no.. she didnt want my money.

i got pissed off so iasked her. u dun wan money, u dun wan me to fix your car, what do you want?

she still kept quiet.

after awhile. she just went into her car. and drove off . as she got into her car , i went to the driver side and knocked at her window. and i guess she was really pissed at me..

no she didnt want anything

she was just pissed. and drove off.

i stood there.. bewildered..

wtf ?

hmm.. then there's this time when i crashed a nice EG6. i thought. SHIT. crashing into a modified car. and a nice one at tht too. i'm in deep shit.

kinda like the same accident too. but the impact was a little bit harder.

anyways. same thing too. went down.. and then i saw this chick.

this hottie. stepped out from the low riding hatchback. i think it was a blue one.

haha. i went like.

uh.. sorry.. didnt look infront. and then i went to look .. fuh~ good thing the bumper was still fine. it was just a paint dent. small problem. cool.

now i have to get her number then. ahahah.

so i said sorry. can i fix it for you or u wan me to giv u some money .

and.. she said. i don't know..

and then i thought. ohhhhhhh.... i asked her. . your boyfriend's car?

and she said yeah..

awwwwwwww :(

then i said call him lah then.

so. after that she still say don't know. and she asked me what do i think.

i say actualy its hardly noticable. but if u wan touch up u can do so.

oh well. i ended up givin her 50 bucks. and left.

was thinking whether i should giv her my number to call me in case anything.

but i guess better not.

cuz the boyfriend will end up calling me asking for more money.

ahaha..

sooooooooo.. its cool lah. how one particular experience can change the way how you think.

if we did something wrong.

admit it.

admit it

lead from example.

learn from example.

that's how i learn lah.. '''

its friday .. early morning in the office blogging :)

2010-05-14T15:16:00.001+08:00

salam 1malaysia,

couple days back..

Betting license was given to the Berjaya group.

means all of us can gamble 'legally'

no.. seriously.

wat the fuck man.

yeah cuz world cup coming on june mah. $$$$

Ibrahim Ali, are u gonna shout now . Bos bagi business judi multi-million dollar to chinese guy.

oh wait. business judi tu haram right. cannot give u all. bagi lah cina yang tak bermoral tu..

so apparently the government says that the action was done because even if they dont, people would still gamble illegally and it would benefit the foreign bookies.

so why not we make it legal here. we kasi tax sama dia orang. so we get the money!

and then we can develop our nation

into one glorious 1malaysia.

fuck you lah.
b4 this people think all these shit hav to do illegally damn mahfan.
got the risk of getting caught.
only the hardcore betting ppl will go and bet. now. everyone can hapily go n try their luck lo. which means more fuckers gonna gamble lah u idiot.

anyways.

i thought we all here islamic nation

everything must be halal mah

slaughter chicken oso must halal.

then the revenue from this how do u justify it?

duit haram wei.

tak halal tu.

Ali Rustam, are u gonna say anything? Dunia Melayu Dunia Islam.

how are u gonna explain this ?

is it like when the talibans become suicide bombers and they die in the name of islam. then suicide is cool.?

no. i'm not dissing the religion.

i'm dissing all these people who use religion to cover their asses.

and even doing that too they not so smart at it.

so many things contradict with each other.

problem is not with the religion.

its with the people.

fuck the salam 1 malaysia. rubbish i heard by one of the speeches by a headmistress.. lapsap betul.

2010-05-09T00:55:00.003+08:00

i remember the way you look at me with your eyes.

eyes that were like black holes, sucking everything in and never getting it back again,

i guess the word is smitten?

today we're going back like.. a couple of years back. back to the year 2000 - 2002.

i was at a tuition centre, walking down the flight of stairs and at the end of it she was standing there.. our eyes met and it seemed like the whole world just stopped there. just like in the movies. yes. it really did happened. everything really seemed to be slow, all the sound cut out, it was just me and you staring at each other. and then snap* walk away, heart pounding extra couple of beats faster. and the thought of her was stuck with me for the whole night.

as i was turning around on bed i can still remember the eyes. the eyes the eyes. there's like a sparkle in her eyes and she looked so sad, or was it worried? there's just something about it that tells you she needs someone to be there for her. or i guess i was just making things up the whole night just so that i could sleep soundly.

fast forward to about half a year. i still have no idea who she was, yet every week the same day after tht incident i would have just done the same thing hoping that i would catch a glimpse of her eyes again. and maybe perhaps speak to her?

well i eventually found her thru icq and mirc and we started talking there, exchanged phone numbers and all tht kind of shit. ooo i luv the internet :)

well fast forward again to the day i was talking on the phone with her. . she was walking around mahkota parade and then i told her about the moulin rouge soundtrack and tht particular song that i wanted her to hear, so she went to the the music store inverno. haha while i was still on the phone she got the cd, asked the guy at the counter "lao pan, you de kou mah" i think its something like got discount or not. ahah then the guy said no and she paid and we continued talkin on the phone. .

to the day i confessed to her. she was going for this prom night at equatorial hotel. she asked if i wanted to go with her. but i said no. so she eventually got herself a date that night. mmm.. at the last moment i told her i was gonna go there to see her. and so i went . she ended up running up and down the hotel that night but i felt bad for tht guy cuz she was there most of the time with me. we would be walking around the field infront of the school. i remember she was wearing heels. and i felt bad she had to walk around with it. so i ended up taking off my shoes and walking with my socks all over the field and also the tar road . huhu.. nevertheless i confessed at the end of the night. . gave her a kiss on the cheek before i left and.. well yeah. another sleepless but happy night :)

we broke up not long after that.. and i met her one day at mahkota parade again . she was at the royal sporting house. looking at some shoes. so i went to talk to her. i asked her who u with. and she said i'm with my boyfriend. i was like.. ermmm.. where's ur bf lah.. and she pointed to this guy. . as i looked tht way i saw my dad talking to this uncle. . oh shit. it was her dad. and my dad actually knew him. ahhaa. what a small world huh. finding out after 3 -4 years of knowing her. .

the next time i saw her was during christmas at a church. . she still looked the same. . reminds me of everytime i'm in singapore during christmas. we used to tell each other how we were gonna meet in singapore during chrismas cuz she goes there quite often during christmas too. but we never did get to meet over there.. and even now everytime when i go to singapore i would still wonder if she would be there and we would stumble upon each other on the streets of orchard. . .

during the time when she wanted to get back together after we broke up. i said no to her. and i remember her telling me that she'll love me forever and tht she'll never forget me.

how easy was it for us to say and promise things like that when we were all so young.

but it all came straight from the heart. . its just that we didnt think things thru whether it would last til now..

just a moment ago i posted

难以忘记初次见你　一双迷人的眼睛
(It's hard to forget the first time I met you. Those mesmerizing pair of eyes)

as my facebook status.. lyrics from the song Qing Fei De Yi by Harlem Yu. moments later someone commented saying that it was from ages ago..

well. yeah i guess i'm still stucked in the past..

2010-05-07T19:39:00.001+08:00

wat the fuck , today supposedly the world's first habeas corpus to free a ruler was filed.
being held by the police againts their will.
now what the fuck is happening man.
now the police have power to 'detain' members of the royalty? eh sorry. he's the ruler of the state.

you know many would say that sultan's and all these monarchy stuffs are a waste of money. Atleast according to malaysians' of cuz.

lets talk about our neighbor up north.
have we ever heard that the thais hating their king?
saying that they're wasting the taxpayers money and all tht kind of shit?
when the thai king was admitted to the hospital, we've got loads of people wishing for his wellbeing, bringing flower and all tht kind of stuff.
why is that?
i think the king protected the country from being taken over by any other foreign powers since long ago.
right up til now.
tht's good to know.

but how come here in malaysia we're talking about how we hate all these royalty ppl, all good for nothing puppets bound to spend all of the taxpayers money.

look at it this way.
its kinda like programmed into our head since day one.
the man responsible for this?
who else?
the guy who shaped malaysian politics to the way they are today.
many of u would say he's been really good
and brought development to us
i rather not have the development and have better policies instead,.

man u idiots keep saying tht he's good and all tht kind of shit.
sorry man. he's the biggest hypocrite in this country
i've got no idea how he's still alive
but this senile old man is really getting on everyone's nerve.
blardy old fox smiling nicely on the television when we're all still too young to understand.
but not now.

the sultan is sick.
please let him go for his treatment
and let the royals dispute whatever they want to dispute among themselves.
its not that they don't want to do anything
they CANt do anything
because the ruling coalition is running everything.

i guess i don't need to paint the whole picture out
people who know what i'm talking about will know
those who dont
this is just a script. so u can just look away.
i dont see how this bothers u.

2010-05-07T19:06:00.002+08:00

there's this crazy chick.

who goes to crazy extends cuz she things she's some fucking princess.

she wants everything to be her way.

and she gets angry at every single thing

today she asked me

if it was ok if she cut her hair short.

so i said sure. go ahead,

and then she said no she's not gonna do it. cuz most of my girlfriends hav got short hair too..

wtf.?

i said its their fucking problem tht they have short hair.

and she asked me

what was wrong wif her long hair now.

i said nothing was wrong. just getting bored at looking at the long hair for so long.

a change would be good if u wanted it.

and she said.

i promise u , u wont see me again because i make u bored.

crazy ass bitch .

i wanna go eat u angry

i wanna sleep you also angry.

i working u oso wanna angry

i talkin on the phone you also angry

i sms another girl you also angry

i say things u dun understand you also angry.

i dun wan listen to the songs u want me to listen u also angry

walau..

u think ur pussy got gold meh?

seems like its bleeding every single day babehhhh.

go fuck urself

2010-05-02T06:22:00.000+08:00

dont tell someone to do something if its something that you can't do.

2010-04-30T03:18:00.000+08:00

today is one of those days..

when i'm out. and i get tons of call.
things like that only happens when i'm out and i'm busy.

and then normally when you're sitting at home doing nothing.
itll be dead silent.

i got a couple calls today regarding a job . .. wtf right
i've already secured myself a job. and they call me now asking if i'm interested.
wtf?

doesnt that always happen.
same also when you've got a girlfriend.
once you've got urself a girl.
i'm sure duno why another 100 girl wanna gatal wif u.

life is so damn weird.
so damn weird.

atleast mine lah..

2010-04-26T01:00:00.001+08:00

so BN won .. so.. ok lah.. good for u guys. worth all the money u guys throw around here and there..
PKR, back to the drawing board..

what pisses me off more is those bloggers that speculate and speculate.
campaigning that time easily come out with predictions as if u guys some bomoh . 6k majority. 1k majority , 2000 majority to pkr.
and for ur info. SOrry i did not see any Pro-oppo blogs coming out saying that they knew PKR was gonna lose.
once the election is over. all u motherfuckers come out saying. OH. i knew. actualy i knew from my info bla bla here n there.
FUCK you lah. u know u dun wan say earlier. finish d only u talk.

kamlan betul.

that's always the case iniit?
always after something happens u would go OHHHH i knew . i just dun wan say anything.
fuck you lah.
paling hate this kind of ppl wan.

2010-04-21T04:08:00.000+08:00

her eyes are like emerald portals to a secret land of love

oh.. post number 1000

and the thought of you are stucked in my head.

she gives the best and i mean the best best massage ever.

ever had your ears massaged before? your fingers? ahahha

i still remember the time when we were at the jetty that night together and i was there lying down on her lap while she's massaging me . god. i just wish that moment lasted forever.

there's just something about her, how she pulls u in to her zone and then you're just there. stucked.

she compliments me in the most genuine way

and fucking hell, she's a monster on bed.

what is it about her that is so alluring.. hm . so, captivating.

i remember the night she kinda pissed me off, and she kept asking me. is there anything i can do for u?

ahaha..

the way she kisses to show how much she needs me.. mmmmm..

she sure does know how to reward u if u make her happy..

ah how i miss u.

i wonder what you're doing right now.

i wonder if we're gonna meet again>?

"kuawali hariku dengan mendoakan mu agar kau slalu sihat dan bahagia di sana"

2010-04-18T17:43:00.000+08:00

at the run up of the Hulu Selangor by-election, we've got these BN people campaigning for their MIC candidate playing low life personal attacks on their biggest rival, the PRK man Zaid Ibrahim.

How can you stoop so low and eventually go into people's personal life, calling some gay, accusing another muslim of consuming alcohol. SO WHAT if he drinks? SO WHAT if he's not born locally . What the fuck does that has to do with running for a seat there? if he has got good policies to bring to tht place, SO WHAT if he drinks or cheats on his wife ? WaT THE Fuck are you talking about man.

And all of these people would say. " I"m not the one who said that. i HEARD someone say that" wow. can i also say that i heard someone say that some PM slept with a mongolian lady and his wife does some bomoh ritual and shit like that. I HEARD. from practically ALL OVER THE NET.

So you wanna talk bout people drinking. Try take a visit to this ex-PM 's house. Try go and see if there's any liquor there. Oh maybe he just stocks up his bar but he doesnt drink. hmmm.. Oh. and yeah i HEARD this too. someone went over to his place before.

I dun give 2 shits whether u drink or not, that your personal problem man, your religion, your god, your sins. its your own fucking problem. why do i even care about that. Does it mean that if a person drinks then he has no morals and thus he got no credibility at all ? I've met some people who does not drink but fucks around til kingdom comes.

remember back in school when we used to taunt each other calling our parents name. fucking lame.

what bout the issue of APCO and Israeli's in our country.?

how have they infiltrated our police computer systems.

what have they actually done?

i don't see any problem with having seriously smart people doing that in our country.

just look at singapore.

issue here is why bring them in if you have them supposedly labeled the enemies of our country. u ban all malaysian citizens from going to Israel , you label them traitors this and that. yet u bring them in for PR SERVICES?

fucking hell. tht's hypocrisy at the highest level.

do not mix things up . one guy who killed 10 people does not mean his bro and his sister would do the same. a problem with a single person does not mean u have to categorize the whole entire group as one. get wut i mean?

time to start to grow up and start thinking like one.

2010-04-14T15:28:00.002+08:00

TX2 Campaign?

I know how it works..

1. This year's campaign for WWF Malaysia is to save tigers as this year also happens to be the year of the tiger. . I was there at lunch with them last year when the marketing team was brainstorming about the name for this campaign and also the activities for it. Well, cut back to the main point here.

2. The TX2 campaign aims to double the amount of tigers here. WOW. sounds so catchy right, the title and also the aim of it. I saw a facebook post about a some tiger face painting thing in some mall. wow. the words they used to describe the event was the BIGGEST! ahahaahah.. WOWWWWW~.

3. And then today when i woke up i saw TIGER BLOGFEST 2010. WOWWWWWW~ They aim to have 100 bloggers. These 100 bloggers can join the cause and blog anything about tigers. Draw a cartoon, write some poetry, a story. whatever would do. WOW~~~

now. my turn to talk.

1. Last year, i got an offer from them to fill up a new position. The youth outreach executive. Its in the communications team. I took up the offer . and had to serve my 3 month probation thingie there. Which ended prematurely. I left after just 2 months i think? I absorb things pretty fast . So trust me when i say i know how things work there.

2. Tiger facepainting fest!!! wow. the fuck we're gonna achieve to double the number of tigers? We paint each other as tigers and we double the amount? cuz we ourselves become tigers too? so creative lah!!!! and then i know what you would say.. its to raise awareness.. fine.

3. Now Tiger Blogfest? Target 100 only? ONE HUNDRED? oh come on , i remember when i was doing my turtle sign ups and the targets were ridiculously 2000 signatures at a mall in ipoh on a weekday. what happened? expectations went down? i remember the turtle signatures total number of pledges kept changing. depending on what the outcome was. ahaha.. come on man.

So bloggers talking bout tigers. wow. great huh. we just gonna let these ppl blog about tigers and then the tigers would be saved. . huh? the tigers gonna be reading the blogs and learn about the spotted poaches here and there to avoid it. and the poachers will read it and change their plans accordingly to what we now. ahhaha jk jk jk k. ok ok good nvm. u gonna say its to raise awareness again.

4. I was thinking of putting this blog post up for the blogfest thing too haahha. fucked up right? and then you know what would happen. Let me save you the trouble of doing what you do best. Once they see article like this. then comes the damage control mode. Ah i'm so sick of seeing that. Well one guy's point of view doesnt mean much after all. It's just me.

5. This is the problem with them . Turtles campaign and this tiger campaign. The only thing they want to do is to raise awareness. According to them, they say, no matter how sucky the campaign goes, it's always a first step which is to create awareness among them..

Let me tell u, this was also the replied given to me when i raised this issue in a meeting. I told them all the signup campaigns that i have to do are a waste of time. I explained and.. well. being a rookie, u can never be right. and that applies to wherever you are. So. . .

Well, i would accept that gladly but come on. UNtil when? You come out with campaigns that are only for publicity and then keep saying that its for awareness. There's just so much that awareness can give you. I can be aware that people are dying somewhere in the world but yet i refuse to donate money and i refuse to help them. So what is awareness? I have not fully grasped the awareness? FUCK it.

For those who are AWARE and wants to do something. They call the wwf up . and say that they want to volunteer and help whatever projects we have at the projects site. And the answer would be . Ok we'll just keep u in the list and if they need people we will call you. In fact i've gotten a number of calls like that from yeah of cuz youths who wants to really make a difference.

I asked my manager, why cant we get them in, they say we cant acommodate that much people on project sites as its remote and we dont have the funds to do it . bla bla bla bla bla. WELL. get the damned donations and stop making banners and all tht kind of shit . Make more places for people to stay . make training camps for volunteers and let them go in to the jungles and really make a difference. THESE ARE VOLUNTEERS. they are FREE. MOST of them would even PAY FOR THE TRIP THERE just to help out for free. and you guys just say turn them away. Use the funds instead for all the booklets, posters , stickers. ah.. come on.

I raised this issue in one of the meetings informally, But yet shoved aside. I think i know what these people are thinking. They just want themselves to do all the job and let all the public cheer from aside. They want to claim credit for themselves. And the public to just shout about what a great job wwf is doing. Well wwf needs to know that they're just some small little ngo in malaysia talking about saving the environment. Talk. Talk and Talk. THey only know how to talk. Go run for a parliament seat lah. open up a party . u guys will do well .

Am i all talk too? Sorry i did my part. I raised the issues to them already. and please don't tell me i need to wait and prove that i'm good enough to do this to do tht so that you guys will start listening to me. I quit knowing there isnt any hope left in environmental issues when i know how these guys work.

Or maybe you guys can prove me wrong?

I can write another 100 lines blasting ur organization but let me offer a solution.

Solution #1

1. Gather up all the various departments in the office, Eg. the forest team,sea,communications dept, law dept and all of it to meet up and come out with something together. Not slowly relay this and that i think it would take 100 years for the messages to be heard by all.

2. Get all your funds and start coordinating training camps and how to arrange accommodation at project sites, Hell i don't think this needs to be done. Most volunteers dun even mind sleeping in tents. Coordinate that and use the money for transportation fees and all that. Comms dept can start looking at the list of volunteers they had throughout the years and call them one by one.

3. Get the project done.

SO easy right? Once we have people seriously helping out down there, THIS WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE and THIS WOULD RAISE AWARENESS> practicality and educational all in one.

Then we would have people at situations in which they can actually feel and know the cruelty towards the animals or the environment and that is when they would make a stand. They say a thousand things heard is not matched to a single thing seen.

enough of all your raise awareness campaigns already. We're getting sick of it. .

Oh and i just tried to access the tx2 website and its down. So much for saving the tigers. I guess you want us to sit from the side and watch u guys do it.? Peace out.

2010-04-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

Happy Songkran Day :)

2010-04-13T05:53:00.000+08:00

if you had seven more days to live. what would you do.?

i'm sure if you were to see a beggar along the way you would stop and give him atleast RM10 so that he could buy dinner.

you'd start to think less of yourself as you know it would mean ntg at all at the end of the 7 days

lets forget about the 7 days.

if you know that your days are coming to an end, would it change you?

how many people waste their lives away and only start to realise towards their end.

i'm sure we would have forgiven all the enemies.

be nicer to everyone

lets seperate ourselves from the material world we live in.

it has clouded our thoughts

and people seem to only realise this when they're gonna die.

i'm glad i have many more days to go. . . . . i hope.. do i.? hmm.

tell me what' your first reaction will be upon finding out the day of your death,

and what is there to do in that 7 days.

think about your family, lovers, friends, even strangers.

scriptwriting is causing my brain cells to die slowly ahhahaa.. :)

2010-04-05T19:10:00.001+08:00

i'm not afraid of dying.. i just don't want to be forgotten..

the thoughts of her are so deeply imprinted on me.

well.. its actually carved deep inside of me.

i guess that happens when you love someone too much.

i was asking naty the other day to come cerita to me some of her love experiences.

hahaa.

she said that there was nothing to be noted about them.

i disagreed.

i'm sure there's something unique in every relationship.

perhaps she did not know the meaning of love.

or rather her definition of love is something else.

i tend to remember all the small little details, even in the shortest relationship.

my shortest relationship was this 1 week thing with this chick.

ahaha. one week ,

wow. what can i remember in one week ?

i remember her telling me that she thinks her face is big. ahaha.

which i dun seem to notice at all haha.

and also this japanese drama that i used to watch at the time we were dating.

"With Love"

it was like.. YEARSS yEARs ago which i eventually found the torrent and downloaded the whole series to watch again ahaha..

really does bring back memories.

and everytime i heard the opening song of the drama i would remember.

hmm.. music really reminds us of the times when we first listened to it.

and then there's this gal i was with ermm. of only.ermmm 1 month?

i remember the day i confessed to her. ahaha.

thru the phone.

after i confessed i was lying down in bed thinking hmmm.. . did i make the right decision? ahaha.. it was around 4-5pm. ahaha..

then there was the first time when i met her. at mcdonalds in jusco.

how i met her?

i was supposed to meet her best friend that day.

and she came to me telling me tht the girl i was gonna meet wasnt gonna be coming.

i was dissapointed . but happy at the same time i met her .

once we were together, we used to sit at mcdonalds too. holding on to her hands. looking at each other.. not saying a word.. it was happy :)

there was this time she called and i remember she told me that she likes to see me smile. cuz i look really good when i was smiling. ahaha.. funny man. and she would make me say things like 1314. u know. those numbers that meant sumthing. yat sam yat sei. ahaha..

its all still clear in my head.

and all these things happened when it was 2000-2002?

god. its been so long.

yet these are all the short relationships.

what do i remember of the girl i was with for 3 years.? not really tht long. but still llonger than any lasted. ahaha.

i remember one particular morning when i woke up to her kissing me and smelling my lips . haha. i liked that feeling.

the feeling of being needed by someone.

and also how she would look like when i was at the bottom and she was lying down , ermm.. i don't know how to explain this. but i do remember the look. and how i would tease her over n over again.

then there was the time when she would snore so loud that i couldnt sleep. and i would give her a push. or sometimes just cover her nose and then she would get up. and i would pretend to be sleeping.

i really miss those times..

havent been sleeping well over all these years .

without someone by my side..

watch this video.

and you will get what i mean.

about the small little details which spells the word L-O-V-E.

Why is it that we seek perfection that we disregard imperfection.

Why is it that girls say i'm waiting for the right one, i'm waiting for MR PERFECT. this n that. he's not good enough for me. yada yaadaaaaaaa..

how often in time. once ur in a relationship, and u start to realize that its the imperfection that keep u guys together.

its not about the first impression he gives you.
its not about the things ur jimui tells u about him
its not about his look
and its definately not about his character

its all the small little details of imperfection that makes that someone special, different from the rest of them. and that is what makes them perfect.

2010-04-03T15:28:00.000+08:00

i told her i've got feelings for her..

she asked me.

how can two people who don't see each other be together?

we're just not meant to be for each other.

i'm here..
she's there.
i'm working, she's sleeping..
she's working, and i'm sleeping..

hmmmm..

2010-03-31T13:23:00.000+08:00

went to silhouette to clear off wutever claims i had left and decided not to do the next coming job. man. i'm so exhausted from all these shoots. never seem to stop coming. oh well.

as i was on the way back i stopped by the petrol station for a car wash.

the song 'Fa Ru Xue' by Jay Chou was playing on the radio.. which then reminds me of .. ehmmm... rough translation hair like snow. reminds me of the time where she snapped a pic of me and she labeled the pic hair like snow cuz the song was playing tht time and my hair did looked like that ahaha.

and so what about her.?

er . i found out she's now with someone.

i don't know if they're really togerther or whatever

but from my sources they say it started around like 3 to 4 months back where they supposedly 'fell for each other'

ahhaa.

i hate it when they say we just fell for each other. cant stop it . fate and all tht kind of shit

history repeats itself again.

they say thunder never strikes twice at the same spot.

no man. it really does.

he's a good friend of mine who knows about the hardship i went thru when it first happened.

and look what happened now?

he's doing the same thing . ahahhaa.

is it so hard to just confront me and let me know??

why should i alwiz be the last to know?

but actually. why do i feel this way.

i had tht opportunity to get back together with her

she asked me if i loved her and yet i did not reply.

i do not want to hurt her ever again becuz i still cant forgive myself.

when someone else asked me.. INFACT. when this particular guy she's rumoured to be with now asked me whether i still wanted to go after her. i told him .. nah.. not so soon..

whenever anyone asked me tht i will say i do not. i do not. i do not.

yet why am i feeling this right now?

i've been single ever since we've broken up and here u r with duno how many guys. and haha u tell me that i'm a bastard?

what has it been like 3 years now?

perhaps u thought i've moved on.

i've been telling myself its time to move on..

its time to stop looking back.

but everytime i get stucked in hurdles i shall look back and here comes tht feeling again.

anyways. i've deleted his and her facebook account.

it hurts to see their faces every time.

like history repeats itself.

its all in the past now.

time to look forward ..

and continue walking. :)

2010-03-24T11:02:00.002+08:00

i do not remember whether i had posted this before.. but here goes.

couple of months back, my sister got married and therefore moved out of the house.

i have been sleeping in the master bed room as my auntie was is vietnam for business.

but since my sister moved out i decided to stay in her room for a change. ahha.. just wanted a change of environment.. but i got more than tht.. heh.

now something is wrong wif that damned room..

when my sister was staying there. every night she would have some dreams that gets stucked in her head and she would tell us all over dinner after work.

we would often laugh and joke about all the weird dreams that she would have.

i've got no idea. but seems like everytime i awaken from the dream, i would be all tired from all of these dreams.

then there was this one dream tht stood out from all the others..

i was in this house .. this sorta like a big mansion. and i was talking to my mum.

halfway thru she turned pale. and pointed to something behind me and told me to look behind.

and of course i turned around..

i saw this girl. . and i've got no idea but ahah she definately looks like a ghost haahhaa..

she was really young.. first thought that came into my mind was tht she's 14 yrs old. dun ask me how i know. i just did.

her hair was slightly above shoulder length and she's dressed in her school uniform.. and she looked really really sad..

the only thing tht i remember she said to me was to come back and see her the next day. and tht she really needed someone to visit her. something like she was leaving for good the day after tht.

i agreed... she smiled and dissapeared..

ok now i'm still in the same dream.. cut to the next day. i was stucked in some kind of activity which i do not remember but i was really running late for that meeting with her.

the thought of her was stucked in my head and i was worried what would happen if i don't keep my promise.

it was around 3 plus. . and i rushed there. and was greeted by a man . i've got no idea who but he seems like the caretaker of that mansion.

it was this huge ass hall . and at the end was an altar with the picture of the girl i met yesterday..

i was there with my dad. and the caretaker dude passes my dad some joss-sticks for us to pray to her.

my dad was first up.. he lighted the joss-sticks and threw it away as soon as the other guy turned around.

my dad kept telling me tht when it was my turn, i should do the same and do not go and pray to her.

well. i was up next.

i got the sticks. i kneeled down infront of the altar and lighted it up.. as soon as the guy turned around i threw it away beside me..

as i was doing tht. the guy turned around and saw me do it.

fuck i panicked and couldnt move.

he was quite far away but he was sorta like 'teleporting' like 3 steps pace every time he moved closer to me. ahaha can imagine how it looks like?

well. he appeared infront of me and kicked me.

i shouted and i was up from my dreams..

fuh~. it was a dream after all. but i still remember it crystal clear. about the girl. about the kick. man...

then fast forward to last month when my grandpa passed away.

after he was cremated we brought his ashes to once of the temples and bought a tablet there for him..

as all my other relatives were standing near where my grandpa's tablet was..

i was walking along the corridor looking at all the other tablets..

i walked further and further.. and i stopped... and looked at one of the tablets.

her date of death was 1994 .. i pointed out to my sister and said "wahhh!! so young this girl.. "

i looked at her pic..

SHIT. . it was her..

or rather it looked quite like her. . short hair.. tht innocent look on her face..

.. 2010 - 1994 is .. 13 correct.

well i was quite close though...

IT WAS HER..

i dreamed of her in KL.. and the temple was in IPOH ...

i travelled all the way there and i did kept my promise after all.

i visited her. .

i saw her there..

i did keep my promise after all.

strange fate or was it mere coincidence...

hmmm....

2010-03-23T11:42:00.000+08:00

2010-03-18T14:59:00.000+08:00

if you don't like what you see, u can look away.
nobody goes to each stall at the food court and tell the uncle/auntie cooking there that their food sucks..
yet this is the internet.
and ppl seem to do things that they do not have balls to do in real life.
veiled behind the monitor...
seems like u've grown and extra one or two balls and forgot where ur brain is.

got a problem.
come up to my face
and say it to me
i'm not as tall as you.
i'm skinnier than you.
just that my balls are the way they are nomatter infront of the laptop or not.
come.
lah.

2010-03-16T04:02:00.003+08:00

i sat here for hours.. thinking what to write..

i'm thinking of words to fit what i'm feeling right now.

but i cant seem to find the right words to describe it.

i've been really tired these days.. or rather from the beginning of february, right up til this day.

yet i'm still up at this time.

what am i thinking.. i shud b at bed as i've got another long day tomorrow..

i'm so stressed up with work and everything else that i dun think my mind can handle other shitty things tht comes to me..

yet it still came.

like the saying; when the going gets tough, the tough gets going..

yet .. i cant seem to spring into action to overcome it..

there's so many things tht's going on in my head that i get this fucked up headache every morning.

why have i not gotten over it.

if i already had then things wouldnt turn out this way at all

why does it seem that i always tend to trust the wrong person

or shud i say i trust ppl too easily.

and then ppl take advantage of that and there i go getting screwed. over and over again..

remember when i coined the continuous hell in one of my postings..

i seem to be suffering from the same thing yet again.

there's a hole in my soul..that's been killing me forever, its a place where the garden never grows..

what nice lyrics from the aerosmith song.tht seems to fit what i'm feeling..

it's been long since i felt like this..

but when i'm infront of you.. i shall not wear my heart upon my sleeve.

not you.. not them, not anyone else.

i refuse to let anyone else know it....'

they say. we hurt the ones we love the most.

and we will never be with the ones we love.

the memories of the past will haunt us.. or rather me forever..

it sucks that true loves will always end up like this.

i guess the course of true love never did run smooth..

we're just star-crossed lovers.

never to be favoured upon the stars....

2010-03-14T00:47:00.000+08:00

my grandma is down from ipoh..
i just got back from work..at 11pm man.. damn.. sux rite.. leave early in the morning n get back late late at nite. i'm starting early tmr too.
and so.

she was sitting down on the floor.. she was like folding the clothes she brought along or sumthing...
looking at her. she seems so lonely...
man..
i feel sad for her ..
tht look in her eyes really shows it all.
i cant imagine her staying at the ipoh house all alone..
man tht's just sad man...

tht is why.
if i have the choice.
i want my wife/lover/watever-u-call-it to die first before i do...
becuz i dun want to see her suffer ..
i dun want her to cry as i lay there dying..
i don't want her to be alone for the remainder of her days.
the pain is just too much to endure ..

but grandma is holding on though..
she's got all her kids there... so.. i think everything shud b cool.

hmm....

2010-03-12T13:07:00.000+08:00

i was early for my appointment yesterday which was scheduled at 7pm. i was there at 4:45. at sungai besi..

i have never been there. knowing tht its just a highway, a stretch of well known entrance to kl.

i was at pekan sungai besi yesterday. supposedly their small town there.

i was greeted with looks of disgust .. stares tht look like they wanted to slaughter the only chinese guy in tht area.

man i was freaked out.

there's also an army camp nearby and if u guys have never seen our malaysian army guys.. man.. they look like they'll cut me into hundreds of pieces within minutes..

i was driving by .. freaked out abit..

a car zoomed pass. and i saw a couple of passengers in a wira with their heads out of the window showing their middle finger at me..

fuck.. whats wrong wif them man..

i went to the stalls nearby for a drink since i was so early...

as i reached and stood at one of the stalls looking for a seat, everyone was looking at me.. oh or rather staring at me.. they asked me what i want.. i said. i just needed a drink..

they told me.. what u want to drink? our stall not open yet. but we can get it for u from the next stall.

i'm like.. cool man.

so i sat down.. worried tht at any minute someone's gonna come n grab my laptop bag and bash me..

ahhaa.

i got my drink.. and the guy asked me if i wanteed to eat..

i said .. yeah man.. but he said they're stall not ready yet.

he went to order for me food from the stall at the opposite side of the road.

and brought it to me ..

wow.. weird right.

i was just sitting at their stall. not ordering anything from them.

yet they were serving me ..

ahaha.. so tht was wat we call mixed feeling.

its odd. cuz in the area i was being stared and looked at as if i'm some kind of alien.. enemy or sumthin

and then in the midst of it i'm being treated like so damnnn nice by this bunch of ppl ni. ahaha

even the monkeys were staring at me like wtf.

ahaha..

2010-03-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

today's RPK article entitled The Malay self-inflicted wound ROCKS THE WORLD!

oh i saw alice in wonderland 3d the other day. n it wassssss awesome!!!!
now fuck those reviewers who do not have any idea at all of what the fuck they're talking about. giving comments like the background was dull and bla bla this n tht.. fuck those idiots who complain telling tht the story was different from the original..

do u guys even know who the hell Tim Burton is?
some ppl just like to talk without processing the info with their brain thoroughly first..

2010-03-05T22:46:00.000+08:00

i'm been busy these couple of days..
just before one of the two shoots i'm on get done, 2 more just came in.
and i've been running around town these couple of days . man.. been sweating damn whole lot.
anyways.

on malaysian politics,
Today Zaid said tht PM Najib was 2/3 majority crazy.
And tht najib shud b like Pak Lah and just play fair.. and not fish their members away..
this came now cuz recently 3 PKR MP's left to be independent members of thoe parliament..but supporting BN la of cuz hahaa.
what i'm wondering is..
Remember Sept 16 . the date supposedly a bunch of BN MP's are gonna jump over to the opposition party and that they're gonna a new federal government.. hahaa..
eh during tht time wen u guys do it can.
but when ppl wan do u ask them dont do..
hahaa ok. maybe Zaid Ibrahim got abit memory problem cuz by then he was not in PKR yet.. so..
ahaha.. but anwar's not saying a word .. so chill lah. ok ahaa.
malaysian politics is doomed man.. look left got shit choice, look right also shit choice.. haiiiii,,

on me,
they say . . stay away from girls with boyfriends. ppl with partner are always off limits.
true man...
all these while i'm been wasting my time on girls wif partners. ahaha.. come to think of it. seriously man.. no wonder nothing was happening all these while. .

in awhiles time. i'll be going out with this chick who has a bf too..

i am malaysian after all.. we dun walk the talk.. hmmm..

2010-02-28T17:42:00.001+08:00

it sucks but its something that has to be noted .. regardless of whom it may concern..

lets say there's this dude.

who thinks that whatever he says is true. . well it is true. and tht fact only applies to him . not everyone else.

once a problem arises, he'll be the first to shout and call out tht fault.. but yet he fails to look at himself. . time and time again.. everything he says. it will definately hit him in his face. .

if it was me i would have sure been so damn embarassed .. but sorry.. for this guy.. he just see's thru it..

then there's the case when something fucks up around him.. he'll be the first pointing fingers at someone else.

that's the easiest way to solve a problem.. just say someone else did it. its none of my fault . and its all because of u. so i'll have to go fix sum problem tht you created..

then there he is .. complaining tht he's being forced into doing something that he doesnt want to.. or rather.. not the right time to do it .. and then on the other side. he's going around .. pushing for things like that to happen. he's a word of advice.. Dude.. if u dun wanna fucking get married yet. dun fucking giv hope to others by doing something such as. BUYING A HOUSE TOGETHER?..

make sense?

most of the time you would be the first to shout at something someone has done. reason being to just..? emrmm. embarrass them maybe. . so . wut do u get out of it?

ur sights locked-on on this person and you would fire happily..

ever came to ur mind that what if someone did that to your mum. or did that to your girl. would u like it?

not once have u ever looked at ur own self.

just typing right now. u were going around looking for a cd. going around looking here n there. yet. have u started looking in your own room first before going around asking people where is it. as if people took it?

this is one good example of who u are.

it saddens me .

yet i have to live with it.

i used to be an asshole like that too.

i'm trying my best to not fuck up like how u did.

ah.. i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today..

so wrong..

so wronggg...a

2010-02-27T03:12:00.000+08:00

hey hello.why . back in the olden days. people can fall in love with whoever they want.. nowadays.. they ask lah. your kid got money or not. he's not of the same race. he's not of the same religion. all tht kind of bullshit.. man.. i tot as things get civilised we could think properly and more sensibly. it was the other way around. globalization is actually pushing the human brain backwards. man.. tht sure is sad.. hmm.

i've been running out of things to say these couple of nights.

somehow i feel something is seriously lacking.

hm.

what could that be.

hmm..

sometimes i prefer to know alot less things..

tht wouldnt fuck the decision making ..

the more things u know

the more things u need to consider about.

if u dun consider them.

u'll be considered selfish then..

either way ur fucked.

get the wrong decision

ur brain eats ur soul up.

and u go all crazy

sometimes we alwiz think. man.. can we ever ever understand woman..

well.. our job is not to understand them.. but to just.. love them..

so true.. so true..

2010-02-26T03:18:00.000+08:00

i have no idea why this is stucked in my head right now..

this scene keep repeating over n over again. although i know its just a figment of my imagination. yet.. it seemed so real. and most importantly.. so true...\

it was just a dream.. a dream is just a dream.

she said " he really did love me truly... but just not long enough.."

man...

i had 4 joints today..

i'm still up and alive :)

2010-02-22T15:26:00.000+08:00

it was his 80th birthday...everyone went down to Ipoh to celebrate it with him. wow! what an occasion huh?

well. i wasnt there.. i was the only one who wasnt there..

reason being ; i was with this chick tht i had just met and i'm bringing her down to kl for some stuffs. i had fun tht night doh. without the guilt of not being in ipoh.

tht was. 2 years back.. or was it 3 years?

fast forward to the 19th of February 2010..

tht morning i was awaken by my auntie telling me to move the cars cuz the ambulance needs to come in.

i didnt moved abit. . eventually one of the ambulance workers moved them outta the way.

i went to work . and then i remembered. hey.. ambulance early in the morning? wtf...

i called my auntie. and she told me tht grandpa was found in the room lying down on the floor with feces all over..

shit. tht's not good news..

apparently one of the blood vessels is leaking and they cant operate at all.

either way he's a dead man..

man.. tht's fucked up man..

around 3 pm i rushed to the hospital to see him lying down in the emergency ward..

this is bad.. time for everyone to start travelling down to see him.

my grandma was stroking his hair. and holding on to his hands telling him its ok. relax relax .. the worried look on her face almost made me tear right there.. but i held on..

started making phone calls. and i stayed there right til all of my uncles and aunties were down..

it was around 12am. man.. i've stayed so long there.. i went home..

the next day. everything seemed fine. . . he would still be struggling on and off. but there was a point when some of them said . wtf .. why exaggerate and make everyone come down when nothing is wrong after all..

man.. hearing tht really damn fucked up doh..

well. everything changed as soon as they heard the doctor's opinion.. he said there's nothing much they could do other than making him feel comfortable. and tht if we wanted to bring him home we could..

damn.. tht doesnt sound right..

they increased the dosage of the morphine to 3.0ml/h from 0.5ml/h.. he was still struggling on and off.

we all went home tht nite thinkin everything will be fine the next day. grandma left together wif us too. only the sons and daughters stayed back..

before i left i tapped his legs and waved goodbye..

21/02/10 - 8th day of the Chinese Lunar New Year

got a phone call early in the morning.. around 8am.

dad said grandpa's heartbeat getting weaker.. plz rush to the hospital together wif my grandma..

grandma was busy packing up.. i thought wth was she packing up for..

she said. she was packing grandpa's clothes, if anything were to happen. she wants him to be dressed nicely..

man.. tht made my heart sunk.

she even packed his hair gel and his comb.. and his watch too.. put it in a plastic bag. and off we go.

somehow. i felt tht my bro was driving unbelievably slow tht morning..

man...

halfway there. i got a text from my sis.

"grandpa passed away"

shit.. we're late..

grandma was a lil upset on the way up to the lift. she said why nobody said earlier. how come nobody called earlier to inform. hai..

i see him all wrapped up like a mummy.. hmmm..

his mouth and nose was stuffed with cotton..

he really do look so different..

i'm glad everyone was there for him..

for me .. i did whatever i could. and stayed there as long as it needed til everyone was there for him..

yet i still feel tht its all too late for tht right now..

we will be travelling down to Ipoh later nite for prayers...

2010-02-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

first thing u bought me! thanksssssssssss~

2010-02-21T13:07:00.000+08:00

apparently .. nobody gives a damn tht both of u guys are together.. its funny when i see how hard u guys are trying to announce to the whole damn world and al tht kind of shit. but it just isnt interesting at all. not bothered so to say..

grandpa passed away this morning..

2010-02-20T18:29:00.000+08:00

had one of those screwd up day yesterday,..

got awaken around 8 or 9 cuz auntie told me to move my car cuz the ambulance needs to come in to get my grandpa. i tot it was one of those operation stuff to his eye again.. so i just continued lying down n not move. .

a couple of minutes later i heard someone moving my car so i went back to sleep again..
around 10 i woke up again cuz there was a phone call telling me to go to work earlier today.. well i slept again and i woke up an hour later to go back to work.

reached work and called my auntie to find out wat happened in the morning.. grandpa fainted an is at the emergency ward now. fuh~.
well.. i called again later n left work around 3 to be there.

long story short.. everyone came down to kl to gather n see him..
til now he's still fine.. lets hope tht stays that way..

anyways its her birthday today.
yo happy birthday!.
its supposed to be one of our anniversary days but.. ermm.. yeah.. too bad .
damn .. think of it huhh..
its been damn long man.. what has it been like 5 - 6 years back since tht day?
everything seems like it just passed yesterday..

hoh well..
u will have good one.
with ur loved one..

and i'll be here..
with the sombre feeling tht everyone around me is going thru..

happy birthday :)

2010-02-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

i dun think she need to know that i love her..
after all loving someone is not about yourself..
it's better for her to not know anything at all..

i may not msg u always.
maybe i have not invited u over to my place like u do every chinese new year..
your birthday is coming soon ..
too bad i'm already back in kl cuz i've got to work..
it would be great tht i can celebrate it with you.
too bad things dun go always go the way i want them to

i hope u know that i still think of u
i want u to know tht no one can replace the girl tht changed me and made me a better person..
yo thanks alot for everything
its best tht we remain what we are right now.

i just cant let u suffer another heartbreak.
wish u well.
:)

2010-02-19T01:23:00.000+08:00

吻别 (張學友)

前塵往事成雲煙　消散在彼此眼前
就連說過了再見　也看不見你有些哀怨
給我的一切　你不過是在敷衍
你笑得越無邪　我就會愛你愛得更狂野

總在剎那間　有一些了解
說過的話　不可能會實現
就在一轉眼　發現你的臉
已經陌生不會再像從前
我的世界開始下雪　冷得讓我無法多愛一天
冷得連隱藏的遺憾　都那麼地明顯

我和你吻別　在無人的街
讓風痴笑我不能拒絕
我和你吻別　在狂亂的夜
我的心等著迎接傷悲

想要給你的思念　就像風箏斷了線
飛不進你的世界　也溫暖不了你的視線
我已經看見　一齣悲劇正上演
劇終沒有喜悅　我仍然躲在你的夢裡面

2010-02-16T13:10:00.000+08:00

soo... she's been going out with some young guy that looks like he's 100 years old..
ermm.. i think there's a name for people like that right..?
damn uncle. leave those motherfucking young chicks alone man..
oh well.
they always say no its not bout the money. choose someone who will love me dearly and everything like tht..
at the end of the day. he's gonna make u happy with his money and then u'll think tht he's loving u instead cuz he's willing to spend tht much shit on u.
so please rephrase ur words yah
money makes u happy.

ah. happy chinese new year ..
its the year of the tiger.
its supposed to be a good year for the rabbit..
lets hope everything goes well man.

and lets leave the emo posts at nite.. ahhahaa

2010-02-13T03:37:00.000+08:00

post dated : Saturday, September 20, 2008

I was at the beach with her.. just the two of us.. we were actually at the mamak nearby her house eating with serena n MT. i tot my plan gona tak jadi d.. then when we were about to go in to the car.. i asked her.. "hey.. u wanna go to the beach ah.. "

she said.. ' yeah sure'

so we went to the beach at rivieara bay.. i brough down my jacket..and not to forget my small gift for her..

actually a couple of days ago.. i was out wif serena looking for a gift for her... we were all out together actually. then we went n tell her tht i was looking for somethign for my cousin.. ahaha.. i noticed she oso like.. semacam.. mayb thinkin wah.. sampai beli gold for cousin ni... i even asked her which one nice ah.. she said.. anything lah.. n so i bought it.. it was actually for her..

so cut back to the story.. we went down .. sat on the beach.. talk for awhile.. then i put my jacket on the sand so tht we could lie down for awhile.. and look at the stars.. it was.. really a nice night lo.. the wind wasnt too strong.. and there wasnt much ppl there.. actualy there isnt rite.. mmm..
lying down for awhile..

becuz i remember i told her earlier when we met at mp tht i didnt buy anything for her .. so when we tengah melepak just the two of us. i said. sorry man.. come lah.. choose something.. aiyo. obviously any one else oso wont buy wan lah.. hahaa....

talkin bout how just the two of us ended up together in mp.. since the afternoon i tengah planning wif serena ni.. i told serena . to just chill.. ahaha.. buat bz and let me go out wif her.. so somehow we planned.. and i actually kantoi lah.. send wrong msg to her pulak.. damn oops.. but nevertheless.. plan berjaya.. and so just the two of us met at mp tht nite.. ;)

back to the beach. i told her to sit up.. and said " actually.. just tipu u ma.. i bought something for you.." then i took out and gave her.. when she opened the smal box.. it was empty.. then i thought.. fucKkkkkkkkkkk.. why empty man.. it must hav fell in the sand or sumthing... so fucking dark soemmore.. shit.. everything not goin so well man.. dun la like this play me. aaha damn.. so nvm lah.. my hand oso korek korek around the sand.. and then presto~ i found it.. so i gave to her.. hmmm..she said thanks.. and i wished her happy birthday.. :)

so after tht like quiet back again...so we kept quiet for awhlie.. hmmm everything seemed so awkward.. becuz the only thing in my head tht time was just .. should i tell her or not... should i say.. mayb i shud.. mayb i shudnt.. mayb after 10 more seconds i'll tell her.. mayb i shudnt.. tht kept going on my head for quite some time.. until finally.. i just said.. 'hey... i got something to tell u.. ermm.. i've got feelings for u.. is there a possibility of us gettin together or sumtin?' ahha.. i said it.. i said it... she didnt answer me.. but instead she asked me another question.. 'why' i remembered she ask me.. around those things lah.. why.. since when.. and i was kinda nervous too and kept telling her to take her time to think over it... becuz i really cannot accept her saying no there. hahah... so heartbreaking ma rite.. ahhahaa..

after tht we changed topic.. but somehow it was 3 plus d.. she got a phone call from her brother.. big bro.. he ask her balik d lo.. so.. we decided to leave.. so she had to send me home... things were also kinda weird in the car.. really weird ahhaa.. but somehow i tried to make normal conversation with her..

we reached petronas.. she turned in.. headed straight up towards my house.. then.. around the middle... not yet reach the top yet.. she told me.. 'i think my answer is ok..' ahaha.. at tht time i heard wat she said.. but .. saja lah.. act blur sikit ahahah. ' what did you say ah?' then she said.. 'about the just now stuff u asked me.. my answer is ok...' ahahaa.... around tht time.. i was just smiling happily.. just smiling.. i didnt know what to say.. tht time reaching my house d.. she took one U-turn at the end there.. and we're stopped outside my house... i asked her again.. 'so we're together now yah..' she said 'yea..' ahaha.. i was still smiling.. and then before i went down there car.. i went over and gave her a kiss on the lips..and quickly got down from the car. it was ... so great.. so happy.. ahaha.. nervous oso..

i was still smiling as i walked into my house.. into my room.. with the feeling of excitement.. finally i said.. wow.. i'm wif her.. i feel so proud to be with her.. i really love her.. i realy miss her already on the bed tht nite.. actually i couldnt even sleep tht nite.. was just thinkin bout her.. and how lucky i am to be with her..

************

that was what happened exactly 3 years.. and 8 months ago.. around this time..

everything is still crystal clear in my mind..

**n the rest of it deleted away. i just find so good to read it over n over n over again. as if it will never end and just stuck here for the rest of the digital world's time.

2010-02-13T03:33:00.000+08:00

yo back home in malacca.
i'm glad i got my piece of happiness back.
guess it'll last me for the next month or so. hoho..

now everythings going good.
chinese new year is coming.
this shall be a good year for me.
it will be.
and.
yeahh.
so.

excuse the typing like this tht makes no sense cuz i'm not sober enough to type logic.

atleast tht last sentence had a bit of logic to it.
yet.
i wanna do a repost since valentines is coming.. :)
next post.~

2010-02-10T15:30:00.000+08:00

why do we ever need religion..

its something tht fucks everything up in this world. or rather just in my country..

i'm not being an atheist..

everyone is born the same regardless of color and religion.

when we're hungry all of us need to eat.

when we're sleepy yes. we need to sleep.

so on and so forth.

all of us have our brain and a heart for us to think and feel.

what is the only thing fucking things up around?

religion is the only thing seperating all of us from being who we are supposed to be. Humans.

i dun see all of us being humans anymore.

even animals treat everything around them better than what we're doing now.

religion is supposed to be a guideline on how to treat everyone equally.

its not suppose to tell u that this doesnt exist. that god doesnt exist. i'm the only one here. believe in me and you will go to heaven.

fuck all tht shit.

heaven and hell is on earth itself.

heaven and hell is in yourself..

ahhh oh well

this is just my point of view.

and who cares what one guy has to say to the world..

2010-02-08T16:34:00.000+08:00

i think she hates me..

yeah . come to think of it. i think she really "dislike" me.

i guess i kinda did something ,, well not just something. i think i did alot of things to fuck things up and tht made things all awkward n shitty.

if tht wasnt enough.. the way things ended damn kao fucked up also..

oh man...

now if i think i can turn back time.. i would do so many more things right.

but ppl would always say.. good lah.. good tht u learnt what u did wrong.

fuck it lah.

i know i learnt it. but everytime i try my best not to do the same mistake again.

the memories of this comes up again. its like one big ass scar deep inside my brain.

today is one of those days when i woke up on the wrong side of the bed..

and literally. i really did.

so many fucked up things are coming up in my head.

i just cant seem to control and put those aaway...

i'm on the verge of a mental breakdown.

ahhhh this feeling sucks.

its one of those fucked up days.

i need

my medicine..

give me..

get out of my head..

please let me alone..

2010-02-06T11:48:00.000+08:00

wuu anyone following Anwar Ibrahim's SODOMY II trial?
fucking funny dohhh..

imagine this ok.
Mohd Saiful went to pass some documents to Anwar, and yeah.. Mr Anwar supposedly .. very bluntly said- "Can I FUCK U today?" .. then he was scared and also ANGRy becuz of that question.. well. he eventually went to the toilet to undress and let some 60 plus uncle fuck his ass. ahhahahahah

how can anyone with the right mind have done that?
if i was saiful, i would have definately given anwar a black eye and break his dick into pieces when he asked me whether he can fuck me. ahaha jackass . wut more someone with a bad back.

if that's not the only funy story in our news..
we've got some special officer from PM najib's office handing in his resignation letter after he said that chinese ppl were prostitutes and indian ppl beggars. ahahaha.. how fucking racist of him..

yooo. to the police force and the AG chambers, go fucking sign the detention order and send him the fuck to kamunting lah.. fucking sensitive issue lah. u want all the chinaman and the indians to riot a?

but sorry lah. small issue like this. we will not bother to even go to the streets and protest lah.. fucking used to it already. ahhaa.. we'll leave the rioting to u guys on religious issues .. i rather go make more money than go shout and rant bout sumthing tht isnt worth doing.haha

ohhh and are u loving Namewee or watever his name is punyaaa CNY song?
pariah.. lapsap..

MALAYSIAAAAAA BOLEHHH!!!! GLORY TO THE COUNTRY OF MALAYSIA!!!!
WHERE IS MALAYSIA????
In BeTween SINGAPORE n Thailand!!!!
OHHH!!!!

2010-02-05T01:30:00.000+08:00

love.

if you love him. please let him go.

if you still care for him. please let him go.

for you should not be selfish to keep someone there hoping and thinking as if everything is ok..

no. things are not ok.

please know that keeping him there just because you cant let go of this love tht is not of the right match is just selfish.

you know for a fact its not right.

you know ..

but yet u decide to look away. and let him endure the pain deep inside.

"He who is in Continuous Hell never dies, Longevity is a big hardship in Continuous Hell"

quoted from.. yes. i saw this from the film Infernal Affairs.

And yes i do agree with this quote.

as physical pain is alot more easier to endure rather than emotional pain.

i rather get a mortal wound.

rather than being tortured mentally. knowing that this pain will never end. and will infact replay over n over n over again for the rest of your days..

release him from the suffering.

the mental anguish suffered is not something as simple as just forgetting it the next day u wake up.

it will forever be tatooed in one's head; scarred forever.

**************

2010-02-01T05:38:00.000+08:00

diffs between an entertainer/performer and a musician?
one juz blardy stands there and does ntg other than playing music and the other .. well. u get wat i mean..

sisters wedding overrrr. huhu
well the video tht i made turned out great
but still could be done alot alot betterrrr..
here's a link..

time to catch up with alot of sleep :)
nitesssssss

My Life

8

voyeur

难以忘记初次见你 一双迷人的眼睛(It's hard to forget the first time I met you. Those mesmerizing pair of eyes)

as my facebook status.. lyrics from the song Qing Fei De Yi by Harlem Yu. moments later someone commented saying that it was from ages ago..

well. yeah i guess i'm still stucked in the past..

post dated : Saturday, September 20, 2008

难以忘记初次见你　一双迷人的眼睛
(It's hard to forget the first time I met you. Those mesmerizing pair of eyes)